Handy phrase

THE Edinburgh Festival keeps on Edinburgh Festivalling, with shows that celebrate the weird, the wacky and the “Whoa, don’t do that!” (The latter being Jerry Sadowitz, of course.)

Edinburgh resident Lisa Munro was strolling along the Royal Mile with a pal. Exuberant theatrical types handed out flyers as far as the eye could see.

Lisa’s pal groaned, then said: “This is getting ridiculous. We’re being accosted on all sides by jazz-hand junkies.”

Trash topper

FLYER fun, continued. It can’t be denied that the Diary can make or break the career of a rising star. For example, we recently mentioned that Edinburgh comedian Martin Bearne’s entertaining Fringe act, Broken Funnies, is worth seeing.

Our endorsement has led to a dramatic change in Martin’s circumstances.

For we hear that he spotted one of the flyers promoting his show on top of a bin.

Not in the bin, we must emphasise… but on top of it.

If that’s not showbiz success, we don’t know what is.

Poles apart

ASTROLOGICAL expert Neil Hayward points out: “The North Pole is precisely one planet away from the South Pole.”

Beckettian bowls

YOU may think that bowling clubs are genteel, genial places where grass is green, hair is grey and the outlook is rosy.

Not so.

Jim Morrison reveals that such places provide a staging space for snippets of life that are in the genre of a Samuel Beckett play involving existential dread.

As evidence he provides the following vignette, overheard at Inchinnan Bowling Club, where two veteran members were chatting.

Member 1: I'm fair worried about this cost of living crisis. I'm worried I'm gonna run out of cash.

Member 2: It could be worse. Ye could run out o’ breath.

Child’s play

SCHOOLCHILDREN are once more safely locked up in their walled prisons of education, and Malcolm Boyd from Milngavie thinks it’s not before time.

“I was playing Scrabble with my six-year-old granddaughter who was being very selective when replacing her letters from the pouch,” says Malcolm.

Our outraged reader accused the cunning kiddie of cheating, leading her to triumphantly reply: "I am not cheating, Grandpa. I am winning."

Weather? Where?

ANNABEL, the 21-year-old granddaughter of reader Linda Mumford, was catching an early flight to London from Glasgow. Linda was concerned that the recent thunderous weather might make the flight dangerous.

“It’s seven o’clock in the morning,” reassured Annabel. “There isn’t any weather at that time.”

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