Flatlining
THE nation’s ever-popular Prime Minister took to the stage in front of the Tory faithful in Birmingham this week, and triumphantly managed to reach her peroration before her arch Aberdonian enemy, Michael Gove, could sneakily open a trapdoor beneath her feet.
Diary correspondent Emily Fields was impressed, telling us: “Liz Truss wants to emulate her hero Margaret Thatcher. Well, she can certainly be the iron lady round my house as I’ve an ironing board in the cupboard for her use. I’m sure she’ll do a fine job smoothing my clothes, just like she’s steam-flattened the economy.”
The percentage game
A DIARY mention of statistics inspires Ian Noble from Carstairs Village to supply us with this fascinating nugget of information gleaned from that meticulous branch of the sciences.
“It’s generally accepted,” says Ian, “that 78.9% of all statistics are made up on the spot.”
Bookish badinage
BROWSING in the Waterstones shop in Argyle Street, reader Helen Moore overheard one of those scholarly discussions of literature that such places inspire.
Said one lady to her friend: “I really struggled with Enid Blyton. It certainly wasn’t representative of my childhood. I didn’t even know what ginger beer was.”
Bedtime story
HARD-WORKING Bob Gardner is a voluntary guide at Mackintosh’s Hill House in Helensburgh, where there’s a splendid master bedroom upstairs, plus a smaller room next door, used when the head of the house had been out with the chaps or socialising with guests.
Says Bob: “On two occasions in one day ladies from south of the Border asked, was it his Huffy Bed?”
Bob found this expression endearing, though we’re not sure if the bed was delighted to be referred to in such an insulting fashion.
Fashion advice
EDINBURGH English teacher Gloria MacCallum was thrilled when one of her charges said to her: “Oh, miss, you’re looking awfy smart the day.”
Gloria’s beaming smile of pride started to droop slightly when the earnest pupil added: “Usually you’re a wee bit o’ a frump.”
The cash nexus
AS we previously mentioned, it’s 60 years since James Bond first appeared on the big screen, so it’s clearly time to bring 007 into the modern world for any future assignments.
Reader Lenny Pattison says: “Perhaps Miss Moneypenny should change her name to Miss Moneypound to reflect the harsh realities of inflation.”
Stung by love
ROMANTIC advice from reader Samantha Kilbride, who says: “When your boyfriend comes home in a white suit, covered in bee stings and smelling of honey, you know he's a keeper.”
Read more from the Diary: What would be first on the menu for critic Truss?
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