Monkey business

ANGELA Lansbury, who has died aged 96, was surely the most Miss Marplish actress ever to play Miss Marple. Though it was starring as a suspiciously similar lady detective in TV series Murder, She Wrote that garnered her most plaudits.

The show made her, for a time, the richest woman in TV history. (Eat your heart out, Holly Willoughby.)

But surely Angela’s greatest achievement was her connection to Bellshill indie pop band BMX Bandits.

The lead singer of that outfit, Duglas T Stewart, is a noted quizmaster, and Angela has featured in every list of questions he’s ever compiled.

Duglas, who adored the actress, is also in possession of a primate puppet called Slappy Monkey, who regularly appears at quizzes with him.

“How will I break the news to Slappy Monkey?” wonders Duglas.

Bobble? Bah!

GLANCING out the window while preparing to go shopping, the wife of reader Harry Davis mused about wearing a hat.

“Wear your pom-pom one,” suggested Harry.

“It’s October,” countered the outraged missus. “Much too early for pom-pom.”

Mugging off Mogg

IS Glasgow comedian Mark Nelson an ardent supporter of a certain snooty Tory politician? Using the Diary’s remarkable empathetic skills, we deduce not.

Helping us reach our conclusion is a comment from Mark, who says: “It will never cease to amaze me that constituents actually voted in Jacob Rees-Mogg as their MP. People stood there and thought, who will best represent me and my interests. Yep, that’s the guy. That javelin with the Hitler haircut. He’s the man.”

Balls-up

KINDLY reader Rob McGonigal has booked a table for his wife’s birthday. “It might not end well,” he says. “She’s rubbish at snooker.”

Bubbly book

THE thrilled Diary recently trilled that we’re invited to an academic foam fight at St Andrews Uni.

“You should definitely go,” says reader David Donaldson, “then you can write the book of the experience. Foam Here To Eternity.”

Undunn

BEING interviewed on talkTV by broadcaster Tom Newton Dunn, Alex Salmond was surprised when Tom claimed Liz Truss spent some of her youth in Glasgow.

“Well, Paisley,” countered Salmond, reasonably enough.

Newton Dunn, doughty journalist that he is, was unwilling to concede the point.

“Wider Glasgow,” he persevered. “Greater Glasgow.”

Tom’s an Englishman, we should point out, so perhaps it’s unsurprising that he knows little geography north of Hadrian’s Wall.

Though ultimately that’s no excuse, for he’s an Edinburgh Uni graduate.

Located in Wider Aberdeen, as Tom might inform us.

Money matters

“I’M so broke,” sighs reader Helen Orr, “I can’t even pay attention.”

Read more from the Diary: What to call a Scottish drag queen?