Anger management
ONE of the most terrifying words in the English language is: “Boo!” Especially when it’s aimed at you.
The only scarier word is: “Boooooooo…!” Which essentially means the same thing, though stretches out into infinity, or at least until the boo-er has forced the boo-ee to buy a snug pair of headphones to block out all that jeering.
Poor Holly Willoughby and Phillip Schofield were bombarded by a mixture of both those words this week, courtesy of a less-than-enamoured audience at the National Television Awards.
Holly and Phil won a gong, though not the hearts and minds of their industry, who are still annoyed with the presenters for their recent queue-skipping antics.
Has the Diary ever been booed, you may ask? The startling answer is… yes. All the time.
Our readers boo whenever they reach the end of a Diary column. Yearning for more, they shake their furious fists until a shoulder is dislocated. Or until 24 hours have passed, and another Diary materialises before them.
To ensure our readers can at least be content for a portion of Saturday, we now present the following classic yarns from our archives…
Stretching out
ONE of our readers taught in Pollok, and had a registration class first thing in the morning. One girl arrived late and was asked what detained her.
“I was dreaming about Celtic,” she explained.
“Why would that make you late?” asked teacher.
“The game went into extra time, sir,” came the reply.
Same old story
IN Sauchiehall Street two women were overheard discussing a pharmacy.
One declared: “I’m not going in there. There’s always someone badgering me to buy anti-ageing cream.”
“They never do that to me,” said her pal smugly.
“Must see you as a lost cause,” replied her friend crisply.
Driven to distraction
ELDERLY folk get excited when they bag a free bus pass. Though one Glaswegian admitted: “The only drawback is the drivers shouting at me as if I’m deaf and senile… luckily I am.”
Animated discussion
A BISHOPBRIGGS grandfather was shocked when his granddaughter, watching the animated film Frozen on telly, announced: “I want a figure of Anna or else!”
He was trying to remonstrate with her about making such demands when his daughter gently explained that the main characters in the film are Anna and Elsa.
Dead again
A TALE of a funny fella. A south-side reader was in his doctor’s waiting room when an elderly gent arrived, flicked through a magazine on the table, and announced: “Oh no! Winston Churchill’s dead!”
Sounding off
A READER told us: “Nobody believes me when I say I once turned down Rihanna.” He added: “But then they don’t realise just how loud my sister was playing her radio.”
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