Art attack
WE live in a world of angst and irritation, with anger waiting patiently round the corner. One reason everyone’s so niggled is concern about our once-glorious planet, which is now like an ancient Ford Cortina with too many miles on the clock, sputtering and wheezing into the nearest lay-by.
But how to save this ball of mud we call home? Some believe soup is the answer, and have been cheerfully chucking the stuff over one of Van Gogh’s sunflower paintings.
Reader Frank Anderson was discussing this incident with his elderly mother, who admitted to being outraged at the protestors’ antics.
“They don’t know the true value of anything,” she harrumphed.
“Yes, it’s a lovely work of art,” agreed Frank.
“Och, never mind those flowers,” sputtered mum. “That’s a right waste of good soup.”
Bird-brained
THE politics of outrage, continued. Reader Ben Clarke was with chums in a local hostelry. After quite a few liquid refreshments had been imbibed, the talk alighted on the increasingly authoritarian nature of the country.
“It’s like Orwell predicted,” said Ben, sagely.
Slightly less sagely, one of his pals replied: “What? Keith Harris’s duck?”
Sub-par humour
VISITING her brother who lives in a Cornish village, Deborah Butcher noticed a pub across the road called The Submarine.
“Is that your local?” she asked.
“Never go there,” replied her brother. “It’s a total dive.”
On a roll
WE continue celebrating the humour and hijinks of one of Scotland’s finest.
The children’s poet Rachel Rooney was enjoying an anarchic performance artist gig in 1980s London.
At one point the crowd parted and someone rolled through in a burning cask (well, it was the 80s).
Quick as a flash, the bloke next to Rachel said: “He's a barrel of laughs.”
Amused by this witty line, she turned to see ... Robbie Coltrane.
Puppet government
OUR readers are impressed by the UK’s latest comedy double act, Hunt & Truss. “It’s almost like the glory years of Rod Hull and Emu,” enthuses Janine Ford. “One yaks a lot and the other’s silent. Though, of course, Emu was a tad more charismatic than Liz.”
Clocking off
APOLOGETIC reader Nicola Barker admits: “I’ve been struggling with timekeeping since I don’t know when.”
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