Political puss

PET-LOVING reader Maureen Walker owns a cat called Jingles, though she’s seriously considering changing the moggie’s moniker.

“I’ve been following the mendacious machinations in Westminster,” she says. “Especially the posturing of one particular politician, which led me to the inevitable conclusion that the cat should have a name change.”

Explains Maureen: “The cat’s always demanding to be let outdoors. The minute I put her out, she’s back at the front door, demanding to be let in again. Clearly her name should be Braverman.”

Stretching the truth

WE mentioned the universe is expanding at a faster rate than scientists predicted. Reader Kate Woods says: “This makes perfect sense to me. It certainly explains why, as the years go by, it takes me so much longer to walk up Buchanan Street.”

Job jabber

LIZ Truss. Remember her? Astoundingly, folk on Scottish social media still do. A few are even sympathetic towards the ex-PM’s plight. One woman on Twitter consolingly says: “Ah canny even slag Liz Truss. She is legit me at majority of jobs av had, quitting after 4 weeks.”

Degrees of success

THE wife of reader Ronald Tyler has never shared her hubby’s passion for golf, arguing that there are more profitable uses to be made from undulating grassy hills and craters filled with sand. She has often suggested cementing over such landscapes, then building shops and restaurants on top.

Miraculously Ronald recently persuaded the missus to persevere while he taught her the rudiments of putting at his local club.

The lesson preceded thus…

“Loosen your grip a little… that’s right. Now plant your feet. Focus on the ball.”

“Anything else?” asked Ronald’s wife, shaping up to putt.

“One more thing,” said Ronald. “Swivel 180 degrees. The hole’s behind you. It’s that thing with the flag in it.”


A TIP from reader Bob Graham: “If your workplace requires password changes every 90 days, set it to the name of the current UK PM. You should be fine.”

Cranky customer

JAMES Corden has been berated for his rude behaviour in a New York restaurant. Reader Jacqueline Wells has worked in numerous eateries over the years, leading her to conclude that Corden’s behaviour is regrettably not unusual.

She recalls once asking a grumpy-looking customer how his chicken was.

He glared at his dish for a long moment, then said: “I could be wrong, but it looks dead to me.”


CONFUSED reader David Taylor asks: “Why do you need to make an appointment with a psychic?”

Read more from the Diary: A ring of truth about the universe