Summer lovin’
THE battle of the sexes often degenerates into trench warfare, with neither of the combatants making an incursion into enemy territory – though sometimes a victory is achieved, and celebrated with much fanfare.
Case in point. Reader Rose Harper was in a Glasgow city centre café when she overheard a group of teenage girls yakking at the next table.
One of the girls, discussing a mutual friend who was not present in the café, said: “She had a pretty busy summer. She dumped four boyfriends in six weeks.”
Another girl at the table shook her head in wonderment, then said with passionate conviction: “I respect that. I respect that a lot.”
Agatha adapted
THE Diary’s latest wheeze is to de-pluralise famous movie titles. Reader Iain Robinson suggests turning Murder on the Orient Express into… A Crow on the Orient Express.
Deflation in action
A WHILE ago reader Sue Mansfield took her young daughter to the home of another child, who was having a birthday party in the back garden.
A splendiferous inflatable castle took pride of place on the lawn, though it suddenly looked a lot less splendiferous when a puncture resulted in it rapidly deflating.
One of the parents standing next to the crumpled castle was overheard chuckling to himself, then he said rather spitefully: “Now that’s what I call a property slump. It used to be a mighty castle, now it’s just a little flat.”
Just the biz
A BUSINESS proposition from entrepreneurial Tony Burton, who believes the firms eBay and Gumtree should merge, then set up headquarters in Yorkshire.
Says Tony: “The new company would inevitably be called Ebagumtree.”
Far-sighted concept
THE smarty-pants teenage son of reader Albert Russell came home from school and informed dad that he had been learning about a curious ophthalmological phenomenon called Persil vision.
“After much interrogation, it transpired that my son meant peripheral vision,” says Albert. “Though personally I think there should also be something called Persil vision, which is when you can spot a box of washing-up liquid from a distance of a 100 yards.”
Animal antics
A WOMAN was recently jailed for stealing £100,000 worth of rare teddy bears from her boss. Diary correspondent David Donaldson concludes that this was a curious response to the harsh realities of the current financial situation.
“Perhaps,” says David, “she believed that all she needed to survive was the bear necessities.”
Sound idea
“I’VE just set up a tinnitus helpline,” says kindly reader Rod West. “The phones haven’t stopped ringing.”
Read more from the Diary: Half a century (nearly) of the Herald Diary keeping us all entertained
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