Monarchical moniker

A DIARY tale of bar-room badinage inspires Jeffrey Walsh to inform us of a conversation he overheard in a hostelry in Glasgow’s East End.

(Readers who are not of a treasonous disposition should look away… now.)

One of the booze-hounds sitting close to Jeffrey said to his equally puggled pal: “Why dae people keep callin’ him King Charles? When his maw was on the throne, they just called her the Queen. Nae Queen Elizabeth.”

After a moment of profound contemplation, the pal replied: “I dinnae even call him King Charles. I just say Hingmy wi’ the ears.”

Silly social media

INTERNET expert Robin Potter gets in touch to suggest the following revolutionary idea. “YouTube, Twitter and Facebook should all merge,” he suggests. “Afterwards they could be known as YouTwitFace.”

Rhyme gone rogue

A DIARY yarn based in the classroom reminds Tina Clarke of her time teaching English in high school, when she once discussed with her class the origins of nursery rhymes.

Using Little Miss Muffet as an example, she asked her students if anybody happened to know what the curds mentioned in the rhyme were.

A hand shot into the air, followed by these words from a bright young scholar: “Are they an ethnic group from the Middle East, miss?”

Colourful comment

THE splendiferously sporting Diary continues to focus on the World Cup. Reader Jack Harvey visited his elderly mother while the England/France game was on TV, so they sat down to watch it, even though mum isn’t a footy fan.

“Ooh, that looks nasty!” said mum at one point, after one player barged into another.

She then added: “Will he get a green card for that, d’you think?”


MORE intelligent commentary regarding the kickyball competition in the Middle East. The teenage son of reader Helen Campbell has avidly watched most of the matches, though one thing still puzzles him.

“Why does Qatar not have a ‘u’ after the ‘q’?” he inquired, adding: “Isn’t that sort of illegal?”

Present (not) perfect

ONE person who is unlikely to be watching the football is Santa. He’s got more important things to be getting on with. Though his gift-choosing expertise is sometimes called into question.

Says reader Alan Gardner: “I came from a pretty poor family. One Christmas I only got an empty box, and dad said it must be an Action Man deserter.”

Dirty looks

“I’M not one to judge,” says reader Bev Graham. “But if you don’t clean your mirror, it reflects badly on you.”

Read more from the Diary: What Nicola Sturgeon could call her own TV channel...