HARI-KARI is the ritualistic ceremony whereby Japanese samurai kill themselves using the blade of their own sword.

Nowadays a mighty warrior is more likely to commit Harry-Kari; this involves a former British soldier killing off his own reputation using as his weapon of choice a penguin.

Or, to be more precise, the publishing giant Penguin Random House, who are releasing Prince Harry’s grumbling, grievance-saturated autobiography, in which he tries to explain how terribly, terribly difficult it is being a rich bloke with a royal title, who has no need to worry about paying his next electricity bill.

Harry’s huffy harangue is, of course, titled Spare.

Alas, not all of our readers are enthused about this magnum opus.

Says David Donaldson: “I don’t think I’ll be ordering a copy. The general consensus seems to be ‘Spare’ us the details."

Picture perfect

A MENTION in the Diary of the body-etching art that is exceedingly popular nowadays inspires Russell Smith, from Largs, to tell us of a comment he recently overheard, whereby one impressed chap said to a friend: “She wis a real classy lassie. All her tattoos wis spelt right.”

Nasty numbers

THE latest example of wacky woke wonkery is the claim that adding, subtracting and long-division are all bigoted. The charge is made in America, where an educational programme is running in some schools, titled: Dismantling Racism In Mathematics.

Diary correspondent Rob Evans, who is a maths teacher, was telling his teenage son about the racist elements of the numbers game.

His son nodded knowingly, then said: “That’s why Hitler liked to say ‘Nine’ a lot.”

The bear facts

OUR highly cultured and well-read correspondents are a fount of knowledge when it comes to the great works of literature.

For instance, Paula Wright tells us: “It’s a little known fact that the author of Winnie-the-Pooh, A.A. Milne, had a younger brother called A.A.A. Milne.”

Dead confusing

FUN-LOVING reader Simon Forsyth fancied playing the murder-mystery board game Cluedo. His wife agreed to this request, though as she had never played before, Simon set out to explain the rules.

After a few minutes his wife shook her head in exasperation, and said: “This is really difficult. No wonder there are so few serial killers around.”

Feisty flock

AN unfortunate reader tells us of a terrifying encounter in the countryside, where an arable ramble turned into an ‘orrible ordeal.

Says a clearly distressed Rachel Davis: “I was attacked by a flock of sheep. Luckily, I was only grazed.”