Foreign affairs
This evening the Scottish nation celebrates our favourite roguish rhymer, Mr Bobby Burns from down Ayrshire way.
Malcolm Boyd from Milngavie recalls attending a local Burns supper where the Immortal Memory address was given by the late Len Murray.
Len was introduced as not only being a successful lawyer, but also a world authority on the poet being honoured that night.
He had recently returned from Hong Kong, where he spoke at a Burns Club, and was about to scoot off to Vancouver to address a similar group.
On the night in Milngavie he commenced his speech by stating: "It's good to be back in Scotland… I was in Edinburgh yesterday.”
Fare confused
WE’RE discussing those buildings that are exceedingly handy when you’re looking for somewhere to shelter from the rain… art galleries.
(Some people - allegedly - even like to look at the stuff hanging on the walls.)
Reader Jim Scott recalls when Edinburgh ran a shuttle bus that trundled round all the major galleries in the city.
He once hopped on the vehicle, along with two posh local ladies, and overheard the following conversation between one of the grande dames and the driver, regarding fares.
Grande Dame: How much is it?
Driver: It’s free.
Grande Dame (Simmering, close to the boil): Three pounds?
Driver: It’s free.
Grande Dame (Incredulous, like Lady Bracknell referring to hand luggage): Three pounds… each?
That’s ridiculous! The ordinary bus is only 50p.
Driver (Stoic, holding his nerve under fire): It's for nothing. Get on.
Phake physics
OUR scientifically inclined readers are furnishing the Diary with a useful grounding in physics, and we were recently informed that along with Antimatter and Dark Matter scientists have discovered the existence of Doesnae Matter, which has no effect on the universe whatsoever.
Robert Menzies provides further illumination on this fascinating topic, and explains: “The correct terminology isn’t Doesnae Matter. It should be referred to as Disneymatter, as it's pure Fantasia.”
Italian indolence
THE dynamic husband of reader Lorna Murray was horizontal on the couch, from which prone position he proudly informed her: “Today I’ve decided to be as useless as the G in lasagna.”
Sophisticated secretary
NOMINATIVE determinism, continued.
Oliver Smith notes that Labour’s Shadow Culture Secretary in Westminster is Thangam Debboinare.
Says our impressed reader: “An appropriately stylish name for someone immersed in the arts.”
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Half-baked idea
“I PUT my hair in a bun the other day,” says reader Jennifer Wyatt. “My boss at the bakery says if I do it again, I’m fired.”
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