Money, money, money
A DIARY yarn about schooldays reminds Lesley McAlpine of her 36-year career teaching drama in Glasgow secondaries.
“Why are you a drama teacher and not an actor?” she was often asked.
Her answer was always the same: “Because I like getting paid every month.”
This was usually accepted, though on one memorable occasion it prompted a follow-up query: “Do you only get paid once a month, miss?”
Lesley confirmed that this, indeed, was the case.
Prompting a genuinely concerned student to ask: “But what do you do the other three weeks?”
Numpty naming
WE mentioned an American footballer who, curiously enough, was called Pudge Heffelfinger.
Roy Ferry from Falkirk says: “The USA seems to encourage such numskull naming of people. I remember there was a successful Wisconsin racing car driver who competed in the 1960s and 70s who went by the name of Dick Trickle.”
Bird-brained bafflement
A CONFUSED resident of Bishopbriggs gets in touch to ask: “Is a skean dhu a pigeon that prefers to winter in Aviemore?”
MacLean getaway
THE extreme meteorological conditions that Scotland is enduring has inspired our readers to devise book titles reflecting the savage circumstances.
David Donaldson says: “A relative from Manchester who was staying with us en route to visit an old friend in Rothesay ended up stuck in Wemyss Bay due to the violent winds recently. Indeed, one could say that there was a Force Ten From Zavaroni.”
Car-tastrophe
AND while we’re on the subject of those woeful wintry winds…
Bryce Drummond from Kilmarnock says the recent storms remind him of the severe gales of the mid-fifties.
“One Bathgate chap had put his new car in his wooden garage,” recalls Bryce. “Then he noticed that the garage was lifting an inch or so, then dropping back due to wind pressures.
“This went on all evening, so he moved his car outside for safety.
“The next morning the garage had remained in place, which was a plus.
“On the negative side, his neighbour’s chimney had blown over on to his car.”
The bends
ASTUTE Peter Wright from West Kilbride has engaged an Energy Efficiency Consultant.
So far Peter has learned two valuable things…
1) Kick things together with your feet before bending down.
2) Check if there is anything else you can do while you're down there.
Get the legendary Herald Diary straight to your inbox.
Parental price paid
“MY mum and dad made a lot of sacrifices to pay for my education,” says grateful reader Alan Shaw. “They were both druids.”
Why are you making commenting on The Herald only available to subscribers?
It should have been a safe space for informed debate, somewhere for readers to discuss issues around the biggest stories of the day, but all too often the below the line comments on most websites have become bogged down by off-topic discussions and abuse.
heraldscotland.com is tackling this problem by allowing only subscribers to comment.
We are doing this to improve the experience for our loyal readers and we believe it will reduce the ability of trolls and troublemakers, who occasionally find their way onto our site, to abuse our journalists and readers. We also hope it will help the comments section fulfil its promise as a part of Scotland's conversation with itself.
We are lucky at The Herald. We are read by an informed, educated readership who can add their knowledge and insights to our stories.
That is invaluable.
We are making the subscriber-only change to support our valued readers, who tell us they don't want the site cluttered up with irrelevant comments, untruths and abuse.
In the past, the journalist’s job was to collect and distribute information to the audience. Technology means that readers can shape a discussion. We look forward to hearing from you on heraldscotland.com
Comments & Moderation
Readers’ comments: You are personally liable for the content of any comments you upload to this website, so please act responsibly. We do not pre-moderate or monitor readers’ comments appearing on our websites, but we do post-moderate in response to complaints we receive or otherwise when a potential problem comes to our attention. You can make a complaint by using the ‘report this post’ link . We may then apply our discretion under the user terms to amend or delete comments.
Post moderation is undertaken full-time 9am-6pm on weekdays, and on a part-time basis outwith those hours.
Read the rules here