Love hurts

WHO says romance is dead? Bob Wallace from Pollokshields, that’s who. 

For years the poor chap has suffered from PVSD (Post Valentine Stress Disorder).

This painful condition can be traced back to one infamous February 14th when he was 12 years old, and found himself in the post office in Dalry, where he lived at the time.

As usual it was crowded. 

When Bob reached the counter he whispered his request in his quietist voice.

This show of discretion inspired the woman behind the counter to yell through to the sorting office: "Haw, Mary! There's a boy here to collect that Valentine card wi' a the verses and kisses, but nae name or address oan it." 

Says a traumatised Bob: “The guffaws and laughter from the folk waiting haunts me to this day.”

(The horror didn’t end there. The mother of the girl Bob was in love with caught him pushing the card through the letterbox after he missed the post.)


Revolting youth

IN the 1970s Strathclyde Student Union was a hotbed of revolutionary fervour, recalls Peter Wright from West Kilbride.

Every morning he would visit the building to collect his bacon roll and coffee, and be accosted by a lone militant of the strident socialist sort, who lurked on the first floor, selling the bible of his tribe.

As Peter approached, this fellow would shout: "Morning Star!"

With a nod of gracious acknowledgement, Peter always replied: "Morning!"

The socialist chap, who probably assumed that humour was a capitalist conspiracy, never got the joke.


Dog’s warm welcome

PET-LOVING Donald Reid from Bearsden was walking his spaniel in the woods when he met a lady with her golden labrador.

“Gosh, it’s a freezer this morning,” she said. “I can’t feel my extremities. It must be the coldest day of the year.”

Donald agreed.

“Still,” continued the lady, “at least we get a nice hand warmer when we pick up a poo.”


Plane embarrassing

WE mentioned an unfortunate racing car driver called Dick Trickle, which reminds Doug Maughan of an RAF pilot of his era whose name was Richard Head.

“His parents were either very naive or very cruel,” concludes Doug.


Shivers and sensibility

WE’RE adapting famous novels to reflect the inclement weather.

Robert Menzies says: “Jane Austen famously forecast a sharp frost for an English town when she wrote Mansfield Parky.”


Suspect surname  

PONDERING famous couples, reader Janice Emerick says: “I can understand why the singer Beyonce would never have wanted to marry TV presenter Andrew Castle…”