Nifty naming


Stalwart Diary readers will be aware that we have been celebrating one of the great sporting heroes, the mighty Pudge Heffelfinger, who, many years ago, played the American version of football. (The version where they prefer to kick each other, rather than the ball.)

Full disclosure. We have absolutely no idea what kind of athlete Pudge was, or what his attributes were on the field of combat.

We just think that he had a remarkably colourful name, which should be celebrated.

A few days ago Diary correspondent Deedee Cuddihy delighted us by revealing that she had been the acquaintance of a Heffelfinger when she lived in New York city as a child.

Alas, it wasn’t the indomitable Pudge, but a Mrs Heffelfinger, who happened to be one of Deedee’s neighbours.

Now for the breaking news bit…

Deedee breathlessly gets in touch again to reveal that Mrs Heffelfinger’s first name was… Hortense.

That’s right. Hortense Heffelfinger.

An ideal name for a Dr Seuss character.

Though we’re not sure Hortense would have been any good at American football.


Apostrophe catastrophe

WE mentioned that in Australia, for some reason, Heinz don’t sell Spaghetti Hoops but instead punt a product called Spaghetti Oop’s.

This bamboozles, infuriates and enrages reader John Mulholland.

Not because of the dropped "H". He’s willing to live with that.

It’s the curious use of an apostrophe that gets his goat.

John wonders how a mighty organisation like Heinz could make this schoolboy error, for surely they employ at least one person with a basic grasp of grammar.

The Diary is equally disappointed. You certainly wouldnt catch us fumbling the use of an apostrophe.

Its never going to happen.


Arresting information

OBSERVANT reader Joan Greene says: “Isn’t it strange that the acronym for Chief of Police is COP?”


Class action

RETIRED English teacher Robert Hall recalls once starting a lesson by saying to the class: “Can I have your attention, please?”

Before he could get any further, a rascally youth shouted from the back of the room: “How come you want our attention? Get your own.”


More meteorological moans

WE’RE adapting famous novels to reflect the awful weather assailing Scotia.

Robert Menzies suggests a book about people coping with appalling meteorological conditions up north: The Gripes of Cape Wrath.


A fishy story

PET-LOVING reader Tom Davenport says:  “When I was a lad I had two goldfish, which I named one and two. So if one died, I'd still have two.”