A charged situation

THE following tale is rather spicy, so we permit our more prudish readers to avert their eyes. (Though feel free to take a sneaky peek. Go on. You know you want to.)

Reader Debbie Meehan has one of those mobile phone apps that alerts her when someone is ringing the doorbell.

It’s also linked to the front door camera, so she can glance at her phone screen and see who is at the door.

The phone was repeatedly ringing the other day, so she went to the door, but no one was there.

Checking the phone app’s history, she was shocked to see a naked man bending down and staring into the screen.

Says Debbie: “Husband now knows that the bedroom is not the best place to recharge the front door camera battery.”


Winging it

A DIARY tale about those disconcertingly small passenger planes reminds Lizanne MacKenzie from Dumfries of a trip she took from Nairobi to the Maasai Mara.

On the plane was a pilot, a co-pilot and six passengers. Cabin service consisted of a tin of sooky sweets passed round by the co-pilot.

“The return flight was really scary,” shudders Lizanne. “The person in the co-pilot's seat turned out to be a passenger, who got off at the first stop (a dirt runway). And the rest of us were left crossing our fingers that nothing untoward would happen to the pilot…”


Tartan Tom

GLASGOW Film Festival starts soon, so we’re rewriting famous movie quotations as though they’d been delivered in Scotland.

Bob Jamieson suggests a line from a tartan version of the Tom Hanks film Apollo 13: ''Bellahouston, we have a problem.”


Rapping about rap

A musical tale. Ralph Hicks admitted to his grandson that he doesn’t share his taste in hip hop music.

“That’s fine,” shrugged his grandson. “If oldies start enjoying it, it won’t be cool. It’ll just be hop, cos it sure won’t be hip.”


Marauding made mannerly  

A WHILE ago reader Don Murphy got chatting to a fellow in a bar, who boasted that he was a semi-professional rugby player.

“I wasn’t sure what a semi-professional was,” admits Don. “So I asked if it meant he didn’t aggressively tackle rival players, but just tapped them on the shoulder and politely requested a wee shotty of the ball.

He wasn’t amused.”

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Dance… off

PROUD reader Stan Austin says: “I go to a salsa lesson every single morning. I don’t like to brag, but I’m getting really skilled at eating that stuff.”