Dead unlikely

WE’RE discussing the tragic history of the dodo, which reminds Lynda Nicolson from Anstruther of a Sunday family breakfast when the bird was mentioned in conversation.

Without looking up from his bacon and eggs, Lynda’s ten10-year-old son announced: “I remember the day the dodo went extinct. I was in primary three.”

Confused silence from the rest of the family.

The little lad continued: “The teacher came into the classroom and said, ‘The dodo is extinct’.” 


Stinging comment

THE son of David Donaldson told him about a friend who went into anaphylactic shock after eating a sandwich bought in a supermarket.

Which reminded David of the time he and his wife Marion were with friends in a French café, discussing bee stings.

Marion said that her phobia about bees stemmed from the time one of her pals at school got stung and "went into prophylactic shock".


Winging it, continued

WE’RE celebrating unusual flying experiences.

Steve Barnet from Gargunnock was once meant to fly to Manchester from Dundee.

Unfortunately Dundee Airport was being upgraded, so passengers were bussed to RAF Leuchars, and boarded the plane.  

Says Steve: “The captain, himself, greeted us with sandwiches and explained that the stewardess was off to pay for the fuel as the RAF didn’t do credit.” 

The grumpy captain then added that the RAF had the cheek to put up the safety net at the end of the runway when he landed, so he ought to get revenge by taking off across the runway’s width, instead of along its length.

“Thankfully he decided not to,” says Steve.

Dinky data

A GARDENING tale in the Diary inspires reader James Ward to provide valuable information about this popular pastime.

“Almost all garden gnomes have red hats,” he says. “It's a little-gnome fact.”


Fighting talk

DISAPPOINTED reader Avril Murdoch says: “I thought my teenage grandson was at last taking an interest in his maths class, because he proudly informed me he knew what an octagon was. Turns out he just watches a lot of MMA wrestling on the telly.”


Everything’s Jake

GLASGOW Film Festival starts this month, so our creative correspondents are rewriting famous movie quotations as though they’d been delivered in Scotland.

John Mulholland suggests that had the 1974 Jack Nicholson movie, Chinatown, been set in Glasgow’s east end, the classic final line would have been: “Forget it, Jake, it's Dennistoun."

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Heavy industry

HARD-WORKING reader Lisa Campbell says: “I once got a job in a zero-gravity restaurant weighting tables.”