Snap to it

SO George Galloway is back in frontline politics, having won the Rochdale by-election.

And why not? shrugs the Diary.

After all, if Jaws can star in four killer shark movies, there’s no reason why the gallus Galloway shouldn’t repeatedly get snappy in Westminster.

We aren’t claiming that there’s anything fishy about George, of course. Not us.

And he certainly doesn’t resemble Jaws, for the Hollywood shark never wore a fedora hat. (As far as we know, anyway. What the big fella did in his downtime, between blockbuster movies, is anyone’s guess.)

Much like George and Jaws, the Diary has been around a long time. And we also keep coming back for more, as the following bitingly witty tales from our archives prove…


Sour about sweets

A WELL-TRAVELLED reader was shopping in the upmarket Fortnum & Mason store in London as he had promised to bring his wife back some coloured sugar.

He asked the assistant to bubble wrap it to put in his suitcase as he wasn’t sure he could carry it as hand luggage.

Making light of the request, he joked with the assistant: “I don’t know why I’m asking you to wrap this. How could I use a bag of sugar as a weapon on a plane?”

“The pilot might be diabetic, sir,” replied the assistant.


Lucky number

“I HAVE trouble figuring out Roman numerals till I get to 159,” said a reader, “then it just CLIX.”


Product placement

A READER was disappointed that a jumper he bought stretched after its first wash and lost its lustre. So he marched into Marks & Spencer in Argyle Street and dutifully stood in the returns queue.

When it came to his turn, he explained his frustration to the sales assistant for all to hear.

She listened attentively, then responded: “I understand your disappointment and am sorry for you. I recommend that you take it back to BHS as it’s their product.”


Mutt madness

A BUSINESSMAN on holiday told us: “I just watched my daft dug chase his tail for 10 minutes and I thought to myself, ‘Dogs are easily entertained.’ Then I realised I had just watched my dog chase its tail for ten minutes.”


Extra, extra…

A TALE of laid-back Highlanders.

A reader was getting the clutch changed on his Ford Cortina by a garage worker in Fraserburgh.

A number of bolts were left over.

Our reader inquired if that would cause problems for the driver. The garage worker replied: “Na, na, laddie. There was ower mony tae start wi.”


Sunny delight

“MY local chippy still wraps fish and chips in newspapers,” a reader revealed. “Yesterday I got a Plaice in The Sun.”