Neigh bad poem

THE Diary has, of late, become a terrifying dystopia, where artificial intelligence has proven itself to have advanced far beyond the lowly aptitudes of those ape-like Homo sapiens.

In other words, we got an internet programme called ChatGPT to prove it could write verse every bit as majestic as the stuff scribbled by flesh-and-blood poets.

But don’t be dispirited folks, because today the meat puppets start fighting back, with poetry of their own devising.

Ian Noble from Carstairs Village, who is a verified human being (we checked his pulse), provides us with the following ditty…

1 1 was a horse

2 2 was 1 2

1 day 1 1 1 a race

and 2 2 1 1 2.


Breaking news

SCOTLAND’S earliest surviving purpose-built home for skateboarders, Livi Skatepark, was awarded Listed Status recently.

On social media the many people who have frequented Livingston’s concrete wonderland are cock-a-hoop, with one acolyte fondly reminiscing: “I broke my arm in that skate park… loved it there! Happy days.”


Foody fiction

NOTING that our cultured readers are equal parts bibliophile and bon vivant, we’re now combining those passions by devising edible books.

Bob Jamieson suggests To Grill a Mockingbird.


Dialogue dampener

CONVIVIAL reader Steve Lewis is a chit-chatty chap, though he was once taken aback at a cocktail party, when a bloke he didn’t know snootily explained: “I’m afraid I don’t do small talk. My basic level is medium talk, otherwise I refuse to exert the energy.”


Stretch of time

SCIENTIFICALLY-INCLINED George Hudson has been reading about the Big Bang theory, which posits that the universe is continually expanding.

“I have evidence that this is, indeed, the case,” says George. “Thirty-nine years ago, when I was 40 years old, it took me five minutes to walk to the local newsagent. Now it takes double that time. Looks like those astrophysicists are on to something.”


Loathed lepidopterist

VISITING his local hostelry, reader George Williamson overheard a bloke trying to impress the lady serving at the bar, who happened to have a butterfly tattoo on her arm.

The bloke, who was clearly well-refreshed, pointed at the ink-job in question and said: “I’m guessin’ a week ago that wis a caterpillar.”

The barmaid, perhaps not entirely flattered by this observation, rolled her eyes, then said: “Keep that up and you’re barred.”

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Flippin’ hell

EXHAUSTED Kathy Dawson says: “Last night I dreamed I had to make a million pancakes. I was tossing and turning all night.”