Child’s play

DRAMA-loving Linda Mumford visited Glasgow’s Theatre Royal recently to see Peter Pan Goes Wrong.

Perusing the programme for the show, she alighted upon an article written by the head of a local youth theatre, who described how he prepared for a performance of Lord of the Flies by taking the youngsters in his charge to a forest.

“I equipped the children with knives and a limited food supply,” he added, “then left them to fend for themselves for six days while I stayed at a local Holiday Inn.”

Says Linda: “I was terribly concerned until I realised it had to be a spoof article.”

Heading for extinction

FINANCIALLY astute reader Eddie Barr points out that we’ll soon be living in a cashless society.

“The real victim of such economic progress,” says Eddie, “is King Charles. The poor chap waited decades to get his phizog on the nation’s coins. I wonder how he feels, realising the situation won’t last long. He must have been distraught when the penny dropped.”

Life lessons

ON a bus from Newton Mearns into town, reader Rob Jenkins overheard a teenage girl confiding to her friend.

“I cannot tell you how bored I am at the moment,” she sighed. “If things get any worse, I might have to seriously consider doing something with my life.”

Hard to swallow

THE other day reader Mary Ross and her husband visited a swanky café in Edinburgh’s Royal Mile, where she ordered a yummy slice of something called pistachio mousse cake.

Hubby, preferring more homely fair, raised a sceptical eyebrow, then said: “Let’s hope that before they serve your mousse cake, the chef remembers to take the tail and whiskers out first.”

Fatally flawless

MORE marital chit-chat.

Dominic Beattie was arguing with his wife about something fairly trivial. (This happens rather a lot, admits our downcast correspondent.) At one point, in a fit of pique, Dominic’s wife growled: “You really are a perfect idiot.”

Quick as a flash, our reader fired back: “I knew I had to be perfect at something.”

And what was the wifely response to such wit? Perfect silence, of course.

Bum deal

WE’RE discussing which animals make the worst pets.

Reader Kevin Watts argues it must be the elephant.

“Cleaning out its litter tray in the morning is no fun at all,” he points out.

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Musical mystery

GOOFY gag time.

Terry McConville gets in touch to ask: “What is made of brass and sounds like Tom Jones?”

The answer, of course, is… Trombones.