Dough boy

AUTHOR Deedee Cuddihy was chatting with a West End chum in a Byres Road Waitrose queue.

They were ruefully recalling the eating habits of their children, from when the little scamps were still growing up.

"My son was a bit of a rebel,” admitted Deedee’s chum. “He got so fed up with the wholesome food I insisted on serving, that the first time he got pocket money - he was about nine - he went out and spent it on a loaf of sliced white bread."


Novel interpretation

THE termination of a popular Glasgow literary festival was a gloomy chapter in the cultural life of the city, though Diary correspondent David Donaldson manages to see the humorous side.

“I note that Aye Write was sadly cancelled due to lack of funding,” he says. “In other words, a book festival has been given its jotters.”


Sticky situation

THE DIARY recently mention the Ardrossan to Kilmarnock bus… the fabled Number 11.

“There is a rule when choosing your seat on said omnibus,” reports reader Charles Currie. “Check and see if it is wet or sticky.”


H2Oh no

THERE have been reports (hopefully far-fetched) of a brain-munching bug making its way into British waters.

At the moment the tiny parasite is only to be found in hot climates, though if global warming manages to turn the UK into the tropics, it could end up thriving in our lochs and rivers.

Reader Malcolm Potter admits he’s not unduly concerned about the pesky wee pest lurking in our water supplies.

“For safety reason I never drink water - only whisky,” he smugly tells us. “Plus I don’t have much of a brain to infect.”


Loopy lingo

WE’RE celebrating the suave conversations enjoyed by Scottish romantics in bars and nightclubs.

Lynn Moore tells us she was once in a swanky Glasgow watering hole with a gal pal when a twinkle-eyed lothario sidled into view and started making small talk.

At one point he proudly stated: “I’m good at dealing with loopholes.”

“Oh,” said Lynn’s pal. “Are you a lawyer?”

“No,” replied the chap. “I’m an assistant in a shoe store.”

“We didn’t stick around to find out if he was kidding,” admits Lynn. 

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Water disaster

KIND-HEARTED reader Clive Simpson likes to make sure his pets are well looked after, and he’s always searching for new ways of spoiling them.

“Apparently thirty per cent of owners let their pets sleep in their bed,” he says. “I tried it once, but my goldfish died.”