Boiling rage

Popular political podcaster and former Edinburgh Uni student Konstantin Kisin has been touring the United States, a country that he greatly admires.

Alas, he has now discovered that there is one irredeemable flaw in the world’s mightiest democracy.

“I love America,” he says, “but the kettles here are a crime against humanity. Five minutes to boil, while sounding like a locomotive? Absolute disgrace.”

Nifty nickname

Diary footballing correspondent John Hart notes that there is a rising superstar at Partick Thistle named Luke McBeth, who is very much a fan favourite.

Adds John: “The Shakespearean cognoscenti amongst the Firhill supporters have decided to refer to him as… the Scottish Player.”

A cracking tale

The Diary has received an intriguing email from a public relations company about free-range eggs, and without a hint of self-awareness the PR executive explains that this is a ‘breaking story’.

Clearly the eggs should have been put in a sturdier container.

Stripped for action

Island-dwelling John Mulholland has a hot take on the wonderfully warm weekend weather.

“I couldn’t help but notice that in Glasgow it was so sunny that it was ‘taps aff’,” he says.

“When the weather is sunny on the Isle of Lewis we have a different phrase… jumpers and fleeces aff.”

Carriage crush

A photograph the Diary published of a sign with a blindingly obvious message reminds Jim Pairman from Scone of travelling on a train from Perth to Glasgow where there was standing room only.

At one point the helpful conductor announced: “Scotrail apologise for the overcrowding on the train which is because of the number of people.”

There was certainly no arguing with such dazzling logic.

Get shorty

The Eurovision Song Contest has provided thousands of memorable moments over the years, such as

ABBA performing in the 1974 show and… um… ABBA performing for a second time in the 1974 show.

Okay, perhaps there haven’t been a tremendous number of memorable moments, though there certainly was one during Saturday’s sing-a-long shindig in Malmo, where a stage performer appeared to be contentedly jiggling around in the buff.

Watching this exhibition on telly was Scottish football broadcaster, Jim White, who made short shrift of the fruity flashdance by saying on social media: “Clearly a cold night in Malmo.”

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Room for improvement

Activity time.

Reader Molly Dixon gets in touch to tell us: “I’m doing one of those escape rooms today. What I actually mean is that I’m going to work, but I’m trying to get out of it.”