Hey, good lookin’…
THE most startling news of the week is that motorcar aficionado and gentleman farmer Jeremy Clarkson has been voted the UK’s Sexiest Man.
Actually, it’s not that surprising. This is the second year in a row he’s bagged the accolade, which was awarded by Specsavers… oops, sorry, some random dating website.
It makes perfect sense that Jeremy won last year, when he was a sprightly 63 years old, still in the first flush of youth, and glossy as a skittish colt trotting round the stable.
But the Diary respectfully suggests that some degradation and calcification has since set in.
The current iteration of the Clarkston fizzog looks disconcertingly similar to the rubber sole of one of those muddy wellington boots he wears round the farm.
Perhaps it’s not merely surface glamour that makes the broadcaster so appealing.
He has plenty of charm, too, if you measure charm in shiny coins of the realm, stored in a secure bank vault.
Like Clarkson, the Diary has enough charm to disarm even the most jaded reader, as you’ll discover by perusing the following classic yarns from our archive…
Barking mad colleagues
A DOGGIE tale.
A reader said: “A Scottish company I worked with had a Manchester office. One of my Glasgow colleagues moved there and took his pet mutt into work one day. Amid comments like ‘She’s lovely!’ and ‘She’s really friendly’ my colleague suggested that they could ‘clap the dug’.
“At which point they gave her a round of applause.”
Holiday halted
THE laid-back Highland way of life.
A reader was vacationing in Wester Ross when he cycled to the shop to collect his Herald.
“Are you staying at the cottage at the end of the village?” inquired the newsagent.
When our reader said “Yes” the shopkeeper asked him to drop off a few newspapers on his way back.
“Turned out his paper boy was on holiday,” chuckled our reader.
Tourism for beginners
STAG NIGHT shenanigans.
A Bearsden reader on business in Vienna was in the hotel lift with a bunch of English chaps celebrating the forthcoming nuptials of one of the party when the chap getting married was dared to ask the receptionist a stupid question.
Our reader hung back long enough to hear the groom ask: “This is my first trip to Austria. Where do we see the kangaroos?”
Travel sickness
THE grandfather of a reader claimed that Falkirk trams were the most uncomfortable in the country. He recalled a local businessman getting off at Larbert station who said he was grateful that the worst part of his whole journey was over first.
As he dragged his huge trunk off the tram he was asked where he was going, and replied: “Hong Kong.”
Mega moan
A READER told us: “I could go on for hours about my disdain for people who constantly complain.”
Why are you making commenting on The Herald only available to subscribers?
It should have been a safe space for informed debate, somewhere for readers to discuss issues around the biggest stories of the day, but all too often the below the line comments on most websites have become bogged down by off-topic discussions and abuse.
heraldscotland.com is tackling this problem by allowing only subscribers to comment.
We are doing this to improve the experience for our loyal readers and we believe it will reduce the ability of trolls and troublemakers, who occasionally find their way onto our site, to abuse our journalists and readers. We also hope it will help the comments section fulfil its promise as a part of Scotland's conversation with itself.
We are lucky at The Herald. We are read by an informed, educated readership who can add their knowledge and insights to our stories.
That is invaluable.
We are making the subscriber-only change to support our valued readers, who tell us they don't want the site cluttered up with irrelevant comments, untruths and abuse.
In the past, the journalist’s job was to collect and distribute information to the audience. Technology means that readers can shape a discussion. We look forward to hearing from you on heraldscotland.com
Comments & Moderation
Readers’ comments: You are personally liable for the content of any comments you upload to this website, so please act responsibly. We do not pre-moderate or monitor readers’ comments appearing on our websites, but we do post-moderate in response to complaints we receive or otherwise when a potential problem comes to our attention. You can make a complaint by using the ‘report this post’ link . We may then apply our discretion under the user terms to amend or delete comments.
Post moderation is undertaken full-time 9am-6pm on weekdays, and on a part-time basis outwith those hours.
Read the rules here