X-citing discovery

EDUCATION is a lifelong endeavour to better ourselves, which doesn’t end when we walk through the school gates for the last time.

“Many years ago, when I moved from primary to secondary school, I was introduced to algebra,” says Bert Peattie from Kirkcaldy.

“To say we never became close would be a major understatement. Thankfully, during my long working career I never found the need to know what 'X' was.

“However, that problem has been solved for me, nearly 30 years after my career ended.

“I am being assured constantly that the elusive 'X' was, in fact, formerly Twitter.”


Price is right?

DIARY readers are a sophisticated and cultured group, so you might imagine they would delight in the stirring music of Mozart, Beethoven and Prokofiev.

Not in the least.

They are Swifties, fans of Taylor Swift, and they are now struggling to accept that their hero’s last Scottish concert of her current tour was on Sunday.

However, Hugh Steele from Cumbernauld has one criticism.

“Good on the lassie's success in Edinburgh,” he says. “But the ticket prices for the young fans were eye-watering.”

Adds Hugh: “I remember when Pavarotti played Glasgow’s SECC in 1990. It was the first time these celebrity mega-prices came in. One of the guys at work quipped: ‘£200 for Pavarotti? I could get the wife and kids tae Lanzarote fur that.’”


Facing the music

TAYLOR Swift, continued.

Peter Wright from West Kilbride has some kindly advice for the bereft.

“For those finding the departure of Swift hard to deal with,” he says, “there are lots of opportunities for them to embrace the real world if they join our ‘Get A Life’ club.”

Get the legendary Herald Diary straight to your inbox.

Boxing clever

THE cynical husband of reader Fay Russell isn’t especially enthused by this summer’s General Election. “You’ll never get me in a voting booth,” he recently informed Fay. “A restaurant booth, maybe. At least I’ll get a menu, and a proper choice.”


Rocky future

THE Diary is ruining famous bands and singers by adding just one letter to their name.

Reader Doug Walker suggests that a legendary American heavy metal group could be condemned to a condiment future, by turning Motley Crue into… Motley Cruet.


Bad being dad

IT was recently reported that fatherhood is unhealthy and can lead to serious heart problems.

Reader Ian Dunn says: “So that’s cheese, cream, red meat and toddlers I now have to avoid.”


Dotty question

MYSTIFIED Ian Noble from Carstairs Village wants to know: “When exactly was the year dot?”