Jumpy jaunters

WE recently published a rather curious photo of a road sign that one of our readers spotted in Australia, showing a kangaroo zipping down a hill on skis.

There is a possibility that some antipodean scallywag had doctored the sign by painting skis on an existing image, warning of kangaroos in the area.

But that’s now how the Diary intends to interpret it, and we’re convinced that somewhere in the world there are skiing kangaroos.

Though perhaps not in Australia, where snow-capped mountains are in short supply.

Reader Nick Bennett has a suggestion which hopefully clears up the matter.

“Kangaroos must be sneaking onto aeroplanes and heading for Aspen or some other popular ski resort,” he says. “The only thing I’m still confused about is when the kangaroo hops on a plane, is its pouch included as cabin luggage?”


Victory assured (sorta)

OVER in Germany, Scotland are proving to be a much-improved footballing unit, and now seem likely to win Euro 2024.

Okay, perhaps that’s a slight exaggeration, though at least the team are finally able to identify the ball-shaped object on the pitch, and are starting to figure out what should be done with it.

Novelist Irvine Welsh is in a bullish mood about Scotland’s prospects, and muses: “If we beat Hungary 11-2 and there’s a total eclipse and an outbreak of rabies in the Swiss dressing room before the Germany game, we can probably still qualify?”



DURING his courting days Formula 1 fan Mark Oakley invited his girlfriend to Silverstone, to watch the British Grand Prix.

The young lady had never previously been to a car race, and, to put it mildly, she was not impressed.

With an accusing look, she turned to Mark and said: “Why did you bring me to watch traffic?”

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Clean entertainment

THE Diary is ruining famous bands and singers by adding just one letter to their name.

James Gracie from Sanquhar says: “How about that American band that bought shares in Domestos… The Bleach Boys?”


Brought to book

WE’RE extolling the virtues of the Scottish education system.

English teacher Maureen Henderson once received an email from a former pupil, which read:  “I’m thinking of righting a book, and would love you’re input.”

Says Deborah: “The most valuable input I could give her was… maybe don’t bother righting a book.”


I spy

DAFT joke time.

Reader Ralph Smith gets in touch to ask: “What do you call a medieval spy?”

The answer, of course, is… “Sir Veillance.”