Worker… or shirker?

THE driven and dynamic teenage son of reader Phil Watts is currently on the search for a summer job that will financially tide him over until he starts uni later in the year.

So far he has been unsuccessful in this endeavour, and the other day he was discussing his struggles with Phil.

“What kind of jobs are you looking at?” enquired Phil.

“I’m not that picky,” explained his son. “I just want a decent amount of cash for doing as little as possible.”

Phil was incredulous to hear such a bold statement, and said: “So essentially you want to be paid for existing?”

Nodding enthusiastically, his son said: “Pretty much, yeah. What d’you think my chances are?”

Lost in translation

SEARCHING for something quirky to do at the weekend, reader Alex Moore noticed that there was a flee market being held just a few miles from his house.

He asked his girlfriend, who is Spanish, if she would like to accompany him for a browse.

His girlfriend didn’t seem especially keen.

“Flea market?” she snorted. “Why would anyone want to buy fleas?”

Decisions, decisions…

THE Diary continues to obsessively pick at the football-shaped scab that has blighted the summer.

Glasgow comedian Mark Nelson muses: “I know it might be miserable being a Scotland or England fan but, hey, at least next week we get to choose between Rishi Sunak and Keir Starmer.”

Biting remark

A FRIEND asked Peter Wright from West Kilbride how he knew that a particular gentleman in the pub was a cyclist, as he was not clad in the traditional figure-hugging Lycra.

"Simple," replied Peter. "Every time he smiles there are dead flies all over his teeth."

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Beery belle

THE Diary is ruining famous bands and singers by adding just one letter to their name.

Robert Menzies admits that he is very impressed by a celebrated English chanteuse who first hit the big-time in the 1960s, and always had a lot of bottle.

He is, of course, referring to… Shandie Shaw.

Food for thought

SITTING in a café in Glasgow city centre, reader Laura Weir overheard a woman at a nearby table say to her friend: “I’ve decided to up my game and be more positive about life.”

“Really?” replied her impressed friend.

“Yes,” continued the first woman. “At lunchtime I’ve swapped sandwiches for wraps.”

Sporting fella

ATHLETICALLY inclined reader Richard Dean gets in touch to ask: “Does refusing to go to the gym count as resistance training?”