Domino theory

THE games people play.

Reader Paul Stewart tells us that his teenage son, Steve, is a fan of the blood-thirsty computer game Grand Theft Auto (GTA), which focuses on the criminal exploits of fictional American gangsters.

The other day Paul’s dad visited, and he tried to encourage Steve to quit playing GTA and take up a more sedate pastime, such as dominoes.

“But dominoes are rubbish,” snorted Steve. “There’s no violence in dominoes.”

“I don’t know about that,” retorted his grandfather. “You can always chuck one at somebody’s head.”


Nasty nibbles

THE French are famous for their cordon bleu cooking.

They’re also increasingly notorious for their unstable politics.

All of which inspires Scottish comedian Leo Kearse to note: “On the plus side, if France spirals into a far-left Venezuelan-style economic collapse, and people have to eat their pets, they'll already have a delicious recipe for it.”


Belt up

ON Scottish social media local folk are reminiscing about our nation’s violent past.

One chap says: “I got 2 of the belt at primary school for turning a page on a geometry book with my tongue.”

(In other words, he was caught licking, then got a licking.)


Education through error

AN inspirational thought from reader Laura Henwood: “I’ve learned so much from my mistakes that I’m thinking about making a few more.”

“I’m relieved there is no tiger,” says Bob Moore. “But the sign doesn’t clarify whether there are any lions, which would be equally concerning.”“I’m relieved there is no tiger,” says Bob Moore. “But the sign doesn’t clarify whether there are any lions, which would be equally concerning.” (Image: Contributed)


Flight of fancy

SCIENTISTS have discovered that hippos can become airborne for short periods of time, the Diary recently reported.

We’re still not entirely sure what "short periods" means. Possibly half a second, when the bulgy beasts are lolloping towards the nearest mud hole.

Perhaps the time frame is closer to 45 minutes, like a brief aeroplane flight from Glasgow to London.

Russell Martin from Bearsden is intrigued by the possibilities, and says: “With all this talk of flying hippos, may we assume that they will be taking off and landing at hippodromes?”

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Mouthing off

A TOOTHY tale.

Reader Robert Menzies was startled to read about a Stirling-based dental practice which boasted it had "roots going back 161 years".

Says our curious correspondent: “Do they keep them in a fridge?”


Taking the biscuit

WE continue ruining famous bands and singers by adding just one letter to their name.

David Donaldson says: “How Much is That Dog-treat in the Window? is one of the greatest hits of Irish rock singer Bonio.”


Mine’s a double

AN unlikely story.

“Did you know that Cher has an identical twin sister?” says reader Sarah Collins. “Cher and Cher alike.”