Always on her mind: meet the philosophic Elvis fan

In the image you can spot the King’s adoring local fans, and Peter Wright from West Kilbride recognised one flushed and flustered woman.

“We bought a house in 1992,” says Peter, “and a character called Jessie came with it, as housekeeper.

“She also happens to be in the middle of the Herald’s Elvis photo, staring into his eyes.”

Jessie wasn’t merely a housekeeper. She was also a philosopher of note, who once offered the advice: "If you worry about it, it happens. If you don't worry about it, it happens. So why worry?"

She also had a propensity for malapropisms.

On one sad occasion she showed her compassion for an elderly neighbour.

"Aye, he's got that old timer's disease," she sighed.

Curtains for grandpa

THE Diary is discussing kangaroos, though other Australian animals are available if kangaroos don’t take your fancy.

Almost 80 years ago, when Annette Christie from Helensburgh was a toddler, she was often looked after by her grandpa, who lived in a cosy Greenock flat with a set-in bed, and a gold curtain hiding the storage space under the bed.

“My brother and I always tried to get into that space to find out what was there,” admits Annette, “but grandpa thwarted our curiosity by saying, ‘There’s a wallaby under the bed!’

“We believed him because the curtain would begin to move.”

Grandpa’s chair was suspiciously close to the curtain, and when Annette got older she started to wonder if perhaps grandpa, and not a shy wallaby, was the curtain-twitching culprit…

“I saw this sign in a Czech Republic bar,” says Ian Kinloch. “I’m not sure if they're trying to market their venison or just warning you of the prices…” (Image: Contributed)

Tracking the time

WAITING at his local train station, Jeff Robinson asked the chap beside him when the next train was due.

Shrugging, the chap said: "Maybe look online."

"That's a bit dangerous isn't it?" said Jeff.

Mind your language

OUTRAGED Mark Gunn says: “I get furious when people use the wrong word and don’t have the humidity to admit it.”

Brought to book

YOUNGSTERS can be so cheeky.

Jane Lawrence was on the bus and was delighted to see a girl in the next seat, about 14 years of age, perusing a book, and not on her phone.

“What are you reading?” asked Jane.

“Harry Potter and the Destruction of Anyone Who Interrupts Me,” hissed the youth.

In celebration

“FIVE years ago my wife and I took up gardening,” says reader Dennis Hayes. “Yesterday was our weeding anniversary.”