We mentioned that cucumbers are awkwardly shaped vegetables, which inspired one reader to label them ‘cucumbersome’.
Reader Ross Gardiner believes the cucumber has no redeeming qualities.
“Not only is it a nightmare to wedge in a packed fridge,” says Ross, “It doesn’t taste of anything, apart from congealed water. It’s totally bland and just a wee bit irritating – the Keir Starmer of the veggie world.”
The name game
Middle-aged pop troubadours Wet, Wet, Wet are touring again, as we’ve been discussing.
We mentioned that the band’s original singer, Marti Pellow, isn’t joining his old pals on the road.
Reader Craig MacLeod recalls his father being a particular stern critic of Marti, for as he once said: “Nobody should have an ‘i’ at the end of their name. It just shouldn’t be done. An ‘i’ belongs at the start and middle of a name, and nowhere else.”
Titter-tastic T-shirt
The Diary is celebrating T-shirts with amusing messages emblazoned across the front.
Dan Munro was strolling in Dundee when he spotted a rather chubby young chap wearing a T-shirt that read: “I’m not lazy. I’m on energy saving mode.”
Love, actually?
Romantic Katie Reynolds was delighted a few years ago when her boyfriend of the time took her to a swanky restaurant for her birthday.
For her main course she ordered a yummy looking tomahawk steak, which was a tad pricey at fifty quid. Still, it was her birthday… “I wonder if it comes with chips and marigold gloves?” said Katie’s boyfriend.
“Probably chips,” said Katie. “But why marigold gloves?”
“Because I’ve only got forty-five quid on me,” said the boyfriend. “So once you’ve eaten that tomahawk, you better get ready to wash the dishes in the kitchen.”
Katie took the hint and replaced the steak with a green salad… and dumped the cheapskate boyfriend a week later.
Team work
The culinary inclined readers of the Diary are discussing sandwiches.
Lisa Barr tells us that she often prepares a sarnie for her son to take with him to school.
One morning, as she was packing his Tupperware box with a jam sandwich, the young lad said to Lisa: “I wonder who first got jam and bread to work together. “They’re like Ant and Dec… they don’t make any sense if you split ‘em up.”
Bar-room badinage
A pal of Mike Conway once declared in the pub that he had bought a greyhound.
“Are you going to race it?” Mike asked.
“Not likely,” said the pal. “He’s much faster than me.”
The Diary is published twice a week on the Herald website - on Thursday and Saturday mornings. And on Saturdays in the print edition of The Herald. Do you have a tale to tell? Contact The Diary on 07375 137 824 or thediary@theherald.co.uk
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