The Diary recently mentioned those gurning, growling rock gods from the north of England… Oasis.
The son of Alan Rodgers is a huge fan of the band and has numerous posters of Liam and Noel on his bedroom wall. (Handy for hiding the mould stains, says Alan.)
One afternoon Alan popped into the bedroom to chat to his son, and during a lull in the conversation he started to study the posters mentioned above.
“Don’t these blokes ever smile?” asked Alan.
“Smile?” scoffed his son. “Smile isn’t what Oasis is about. Julie Andrews ain’t on drums, y’know.”
Argy-bargy antics
The Diary is far too queasy a news-gathering operation to report on anything as icky as warfare.
There is, however, one type of savage stramash that we are willing to analyse in depth… the battle of the sexes.
Graeme Stewart from Glasgow gets in touch to ask: “If women are always right, and two women are arguing, who's wrong?”
Answering his own question, he adds: “It's probably the men in their lives.”
Monstrous accusation
Cooking fanatic Jenny Bentley was in her kitchen, sizzling liver in a pan.
Her teenage son walked in, glanced at the contents of the pan, shuddered, then gave the following damning inditement of his mum’s culinary endeavours. “Looks like creatures,” said he.
Baby talk
Travelling into Glasgow city centre on a train, reader Chris Robertson spotted a lady getting on board at Mount Florida, along with the baby she was carrying.
She proceeded to ask the baby - who was only a few months old - where it wished to be seated.
The baby, perhaps not unsurprisingly, said… nothing.
Says Chris to the Diary: “Ask a baby if it prefers a Farley’s rusk or a bottle of milk, and you might - just might - get an illuminating answer.
“But when it comes to the seating arrangements on a south side train, babies are clearly rather too mellow and easy-going to provide a definitive answer.”
Present imperfect
We’re discussing guff gifts our readers have received over the years.
Brian Kent tells us that on his birthday his brother once handed him a copy of the Martin Amis novel ‘Money’.
“But you know I don’t read books,” said Brian. “True,” conceded his brother, “but you did say that you wanted money for your birthday.”
Love… actually?
The following romantic yarn (like most love stories) involves a great deal of pain.
“My dentist confessed that he has fillings for me,” says reader Nicola Munro.
The Diary is published twice a week on the Herald website - on Thursday and Saturday mornings. And on Saturdays in the print edition of The Herald. Do you have a tale to tell? Contact The Diary on 07375 137 824 or thediary@theherald.co.uk
