Author Deedee Cuddihy was enjoying a performance by final year drama students at the Royal Conservatoire of Scotland.
In the printed programme for the play, the audience was warned that they were about to be confronted by ‘references to cannibalism’. Deedee braced herself to be alert for this moment of sick ick, but, alas, was unable to spot it.
After the show, she asked a member of staff where the cannibal comments had appeared in the play, and was told: "A lot of people haven't noticed them. That's because they were so tastefully done."
“Don't know if that pun was intended or not,” chuckles Deedee.
Footy faux pas
A wee while ago the wife of Graeme Stewart of Knightswood was moaning at him for watching Canada v Qatar in the World Cup.
She said: “I bet you can’t even name three Qatar players”
“ Eric Clapton, Hank Marvin and Jimi Hendrix “ Graeme immediately replied.
“And that's why I ended up sleeping on the couch that night,” sighs Graeme.
The name game
When Scotland’s footy fans were in Boston they were provided with endless amusement while visiting a shop named Jobi Liquors.
“Which brings to mind names from another era,” reminisces James Carson from Glasgow.
“During the 1982 World Cup,” says James, “radio and television commentators across the land lived in fear of a Spanish player being called from the bench. His name was Roberto López Ufarte.”
Four years later, West Germany’s Karl-Heinz Rummenigge captained his side to a second place finish in the final against Argentina.
“An international career saw him amass 95 caps and 45 goals,” says our correspondent. “None of which impressed broadcaster Terry Wogan, who always referred to him as Karl-Heinz Roomy Knickers.”
Sticky situation
A work colleague of reader Andy Ross was a cynical chap.
Another colleague once said of him: “See Phil? He doesnae trust oany one or oany hing. I bet he even sprays oil in a non-stick pan.”
Sin of singing
A while ago a friend of reader Madeline Dutch declared during a coffee morning that she would no longer be attending the local Weight Watchers.
“What happened” enquired another friend, “did they kick you out for singing Food, Glorious Food?”
The name game 2
Ian Noble from Carstairs Village once had a work colleague who had part of his right ear missing, and was nicknamed 'Eighteen Months'.
This confused the dimwit Diary, until Ian got in touch to patiently explain: “That’s a (y)ear and a half.”
The Diary is published twice a week on the Herald website - on Thursday and Saturday mornings. And on Saturdays in the print edition of The Herald. Do you have a tale to tell? Contact The Diary on 07375 137 824 or thediary@theherald.co.uk
