He of the plush-plumed eyelashes, Andy Burnham, has been much feted for his northern heritage, which nowadays is apparently a better qualification for a political career than a PPE degree from Oxbridge.
Henry Bruce from Aberdeen tells us that he is not greatly impressed by Burnham’s roots.
“He was raised in Cheshire, England, and later became Mayor of Greater Manchester,” says Henry.
“From my admittedly subjective geographical point of view, neither of those places is the north. They are the balmy south, in fact.
“I wouldn’t be surprised if Manchester has palm trees in the boulevards, allegators in the drain pipes and hot desert winds howling through the Arndale Centre.”
Bird-brained badinage
Ornithologically inclined Gordon Fisher from Stewarton was reading this season's edition of the National Trust for Scotland Magazine.
He was thoroughly enjoying an article titled ‘Where the Wild Birds Sing’, a guide to spotting wild birds this summer.
Says Gordon: “I couldn't help but chirrup with laughter and shake my tail feathers when I realised it had been written by none other than... Lucy Lapwing.
“And I very nearly fell off my perch (h)owling when I noticed that Lucy's guest on a recent podcast was national treasure... Jackie Bird.”
Apocalypse now
A frightfully posh university student from England was overheard by Linda Mumford, pontificating in plummy tones on a Glasgow bus.
Cheerful in demeanour, she nevertheless had a grim conception of the world, and her place in it.
“I keep waking in the middle of the night and thinking it’s Armageddon,” she announced to the friend sitting next to her, adding, “I’m at that time in my life when I need a change. And if that change is the apocalypse, then, ya, okay.”
You can't bank on it
In the local boozer the other evening, Jim Timmons got chatting to a middle aged fellow standing next to him at the bar.
Jim had to chuckle after asking the bloke what he did for a living.
“I used to be a banker,” answered the bloke, “but I lost interest.”
Mind your language
Concerned husband David Donaldson says: “Of late I have noticed that my wife Marion is getting more and more irritated by the poor diction and peculiar accents of presenters and continuity announcers on television. “I fear she may be suffering from Irritable Vowel Syndrome.”
I spy
Movie fan Susan Parker gets in touch to point out: “James Bond would be a much better spy if he didn’t keep telling people who he is.”
The Diary is published twice a week on the Herald website - on Thursday and Saturday mornings. And on Saturdays in the print edition of The Herald. Do you have a tale to tell? Contact The Diary on 07375 137 824 or thediary@theherald.co.uk
