The incumbent British Prime Minister is a chap named Andy Burnham. (Incumbent on the day of publication, at any rate – who knows who will be running the show by tomorrow…)
Burnham, it has been noted, has a pair of exceedingly lush eyelashes, much like a starlette of Hollywood’s golden era.
Reader Donna Bell informs us that she is not especially impressed by this state of affairs.
Recalling an equally facially hirsute politician of yesteryear, she says: “Big deal about Burnham. It just makes him look like he’s inherited Denis Healey’s eyebrows… and they’ve plummeted half an inch.”
Bedtime story
The summer holidays have arrived for teenagers all over Scotland, as you may have noticed by the excessive number of zits congregating in city centres across the nation. (It’s a three-dimensional dot-to-dot puzzle, that’s for sure.)
However, the 16-year-old son of reader Karen Taylor has been falling behind in his congregating, for he has rarely managed to grope his way out of bed since school term commenced.
“Don’t you fancy meeting up with some friends in town?” asked Karen.
“Mmmrphh,” replied Karen’s son from beneath a muffle-zone of blanket and pillow, which Karen managed to translate as: “No, mother, dearest. I shan’t be vacating the house today.”
“Why not?” asked Karen.
Dragging the blanket away from his head, and thus speaking in much clearer tones, Karen’s son explained: “I’ve decided to become a trainee recluse.”
And with this vocational goal boldly stated, the ambitious young fellow plunged his head beneath the blanket once more.
(A head that has not been seen since, reports Karen.)
Homing in on the truth
English teacher Paul Fox was once discussing the Evelyn Waugh novel Brideshead Revisited with a student.
The eponymous family mansion, which plays such a central role in the novel, led Paul to repeat the oft stated cliché that “an Englishman’s home is his castle”.
Paul’s pupil thought about this for a moment, then retorted with seething bitterness: “How come all the Englishmen get the castles? What’s left for us Scots… a bunch o’ caravans?”
Kids’ stuff
Overheard on a Glasgow train by Alan Bailey.
A young girl, of about six or seven years of age, confided to the lady next to her, who must have been her grandmother: “I don’t mind children. They’re just not my thing, really.”
Happy families
Curious reader Pete Shaw says: “I wonder what my parents did to fight boredom before the internet? I asked my ten brothers and sisters, and they don't know either.”
The Diary is published twice a week on the Herald website - on Thursday and Saturday mornings. And on Saturdays in the print edition of The Herald. Do you have a tale to tell? Contact The Diary on 07375 137 824 or thediary@theherald.co.uk
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