The BBC recently broadcast a documentary about how rough and ropey Glasgow city centre has become in recent years.
Colin Lang was discussing the programme with a barman in his local boozer.
“Glasgow’s turning into the Wild West,” sighed Colin.
“Dunno about that,” shrugged the unflustered barman, adding, “I think it’s all being exaggerated by the Beeb. Glesga isnae the Wild West… more like the Mild West.”
Gangster grub
More from the fair city of Glasgow.
Food-loving Lisa Barr was in a restaurant with her boyfriend, and she ordered one of her favourite main courses… seabass. “Have you tried the Glasgow version of that dish?” asked Lisa’s boyfriend.
“I didn’t know there was one,” admitted Lisa.
“Of course,” said the chap, “it’s called tongs ya bass.”
Fighting talk
Nowadays many people work on laptops at home.
Sadly Diary correspondent Nicola Munro is not so lucky, and works in a café, where she’s on her feet all day.
“I’m exhausted,” she said to her boss the other afternoon. “You could knock me down with a feather.”
Her boss was not especially sympathetic.
“I don’t have a feather on me,” she said to Nicola, “so I guess I’m going to have to knock you down with a coffee mug.”
Communication breakdown
Nostalgic Andy James was telling his young son about the good old days, before the advent of the mobile phone.
Andy explained to the young chap that every landline was attached by an electric cord to a wall in the house.
“So what happened if you wanted to take a photo outdoors using your phone?” inquired the youngster. “Did the electric cords stretch that far?”
Size matters
There’s an addictive new game being played on social media where you have to make a rock band bigger.
Colin Pringle suggests that Huey Lewis and the News could be Huey Lewis and the Corporate Media.
The name game
Thought for the day from Keith Wiliis: “I wonder if the person who named the umbrella originally intended on calling it the brella… but hesitated.”
Food for thought
Oliver Lewis was driving through the countryside with his wife when they passed some Highland cows who were contentedly chewing on the lush pasture.
“They look very content, don’t they?” grinned Oliver to his wife.
“I suppose so,” agreed Oliver’s wife, though she didn’t sound entirely convinced.
“What’s the matter?” asked Oliver.
“Well, it’s just the poor cows’ diet,” said Oliver’s wife. “Do you think they ever get bored with salad?”
The Diary is published twice a week on the Herald website - on Thursday and Saturday mornings. And on Saturdays in the print edition of The Herald. Do you have a tale to tell? Contact The Diary on 07375 137 824 or thediary@theherald.co.uk
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