The other afternoon reader Lisa Perry was in a coffee shop with a gal pal, and the two chums were sitting next to the window, which gave them an excellent view of the dazzling autumnal day.
“I love the autumn sun,” trilled Lisa to her pal.
“Yes,” nodded the pal, though slightly less enthusiastically.
She then added: “Reminds me of that lawyer I was going out with a couple of months ago. Very bright but cold as hell.”
Muddled message
Some time ago William McKee booked a restaurant which requested that he pre-order the meal. Our correspondent wrote a note in his phone calendar to remind him to do so, though the phone calendar sneakily changed the words that he had just typed.
(Electronic gizmos are apt to do this sort of thing. It’s very likely part of their plan for world domination.)
“You can guess how long it took me to work out what the reminder meant by ‘PREORDAINED REST’,” says William.
War and peace
Frosty freezer fears, continued.
As mentioned before, we live in an era where international relations are as shoogly and unstable as a front tooth, after it has been introduced to the laced glove of Oleksandr Usyk.
Knowing this to be true, Peter Wright from West Kilbride says: “It seems the Russians are being blamed for freezers overheating all over Europe. Is this the end of the Cold War or the warming of relations?”
Sad about ad
We live in a world where marketing marauders make life hell.
Bryce Drummond from Kilmarnock says: “Why are my programmes interrupted by adverts for advert blockers?”
Monkey business
A little history lesson for our readers…
Have you ever wondered which came first, the colour ‘orange’, or the citrus fruit that also goes by that name?
It was actually the fruit, which got its name in the 13th century, while the name for the colour only appeared in English just after 1500. (Before that, it was known as yellow-red.)
Anyway, Margaret Spark was explaining all this to her son, who was rather shocked by the new information.
“I always thought the colour orange – and the fruit – were named after the orangutan,” he said.
Anger management
The husband of reader Paula Robertson can be very grumpy.
Especially at breakfast.
The other day he was pouring his morning cereal into a bowl, and a look of cold outrage suddenly spread across his face.
“What’s the matter?” enquired his worried wife.
Pointing to the box of Special K, he growled: “Special, eh. Says who?! I’ll be the judge of that…”
Giggle-master grandson
The following joke was provided by the witty grandson of reader Stephen Kerr, who said to Stephen: “The other day I met the guy who invented the windowsill. What a ledge.”
The Diary is published twice a week on the Herald website - on Thursday and Saturday mornings. And on Saturdays in the print edition of The Herald. Do you have a tale to tell? Contact The Diary on 07375 137 824 or thediary@theherald.co.uk
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