FAKE tan is the latest shortage to hit the country, because of difficulties importing an ingredient called ethoxygiglycol. Aye, that. The crisis means many more ill-looking folks will be stoating aboot the streets, looking unhappy and pasty, instead of orange, the skin tone that denotes sophistication, wealth and travel.
Biden’s bum note
Allegations have surfaced that, during his recent visit to COP26, US President Joe Biden allowed his bottom to blow a huge raspberry in the presence of Camilla, Duchess of Cornwall. A source said: “It was loud and impossible to ignore. Camilla hasn’t stopped talking about it.” Perhaps he was just demonstrating wind power.
READ MORE: COP26: Top 10 bizzare moments of the Glasgow climate talks ranked
Cat call
Akureyri toon cooncil in Iceland has decreed that, from 2025, cats will only be allowed outdoors on a leash. The measure, designed to protect local birds, is opposed by the island’s vets, who recommend bells on cats’ collars instead. Birds would thus be warned when cats were let out for a tinkle.
Same old
Millennials – getting on a bit now – are going retro. A survey for Glowforge 3D printers revealed they were splashing out on lava lamps, biscuit tins, old games consoles, Polaroid cameras, dreamcatchers and garden gnomes. The survey found they wanted to embrace a traditional way of living. After all that moaning about it tae.
Greendad blues
And the demographic most concerned about the environment is … the over-70s. An Office for National Statistics survey found “dread” and “hopelessness” most prevalent among the wrinkled, who were more likely to minimise food waste than younger dudes. They should hold protest marches, demanding the young do something, instead of just going “blah, blah, blah”.
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