Hard facts

THIS week in the World Cup the mighty En-ger-land beat the not quite so mighty Wales.

Scotland, meanwhile, have not yet suffered a loss in the tournament, no doubt aided by the fact that they didn’t actually qualify for the tournament.

Such stats remind reader David Reynolds of his innocent childhood, when he was still learning about the glorious game, and once said to his dad: “Isn’t it rubbish that England have only won one World Cup. So how many have Scotland won?”

Sadly, his dad was forced to reveal the hideous truth, and a little magic left David’s life that day.

“It was like discovering Santa wasn’t real, all over again,” he says.

(P.S. Santa is, of course, real. Even our highly intelligent correspondents sometimes get facts wrong.)

Spirited warning

A DIARY mention of Edinburgh’s Rose Street reminds Russell Smith from Largs of visiting a pub in that very location, and popping into the toilet, where he spotted a vending machine offering a ‘gentleman’s accessory for the weekend’.

It was intriguingly advertised as ‘whisky-flavoured’, along with the rider ‘don’t use when driving’.

Nibbles a no-no

UNFORTUNATE reader Jennifer Bennett once went on a first date with an arrogant chap. While perusing menus at the restaurant, the bloke confided to Jennifer that he could tell she was a “salady sorta girl”. He then ordered the waiter to bring her a green salad for a main course.

“Please do,” said Jennifer to the waiter, “though bring it with a side of steak and chips.”

Pastry puzzler

OUR yarn about a curiously named reindeer reminds Brian Wadham from Erskine of the time his son mentioned Dorothy’s jaunt along the yellow brick road with her pie.

Brian was confused, so his son explained the incident was mentioned in the lyrics: “Somewhere over the rainbow, wae a pie…”

Food for thought

PANTO season is upon us. (“Oh no it isn’t.” “Oh yes it is…” Repeat ad infinitum.) Johnny Mac, who’s appearing in Beauty and the Beast at Glasgow’s King’s Theatre, is also a pub quiz expert in his spare time, for he reveals: “The capital of Chile is not con carne.”

Writerly woes

THE internal struggles of great authors are legendary. For instance, Glasgow novelist Ross Sayers admits: “I'm in a really dark place right now.”

He adds: “Not mentally. I'm just in Scotland at 3.38pm.”

Brought to book

“I ACCIDENTALLY glued myself to my autobiography, but no one believes me,” says reader Roger Thomson. “That’s my story, and I’m sticking to it.”