False friend

ACTOR and musician Tom Urie was strolling down Sauchiehall Street when, to his delight, he bumped into an old pal, the comedian Christopher MacArthur-Boyd. The bosom buddies were enjoying a delightful chin-wag when, four minutes into the conversation, Tom realised that the bloke he was talking to wasn’t in fact Christopher MacArthur-Boyd. “The chat continued for a further two minutes with neither of us admitting we didn’t know each other,” blushes Tom.

Flaky plot

FOLLOWING a recent Diary story about rampaging rodents, Ian McNair gets in touch to tell us of the time his son, along with three friends, shared a student flat in Glasgow’s West End. Spotting ratty droppings all over the place, the four pals decided to act swiftly and ruthlessly. Sprinkling cornflakes on the floor, they stood guard through the night, wielding mighty cudgels and awaiting the commencement of battle. But no rats appeared and the lads eventually retreated to their beds. In the morning the cornflakes had gone, gobbled by the crafty rodents. Ian tells us the students have now graduated and taken up careers as lawyers, bankers and doctors. The rats, no doubt, have joined the special forces, where their skills of subterfuge will be much valued.

More scatter natter

THE scatter/scramble clash continues. (For those arriving late to the debate, we’re attempting to find a definitive answer to a question that has baffled historians and anthropologists for decades: What do you call the practice of kids chasing a wedding car in the hope that pennies will be tossed in their direction?) Mrs P Morris from Bishopbriggs tells us it’s definitely a scramble. (In Glasgow, at least. Our Edinburgh readers have already scoffed at the very mention of the word.) Mrs Morris adds: “I expect it’s not done any more. Kids nowadays wouldn’t lower themselves to indulge in such a practice. To get their attention you’d have to throw them debit cards along with PIN numbers.”

Comedy store

RESPONDING to a Diary entry about quirky remarks made by shopkeepers, Jim Hamilton from Carmunnock (or is it Jim Carmunnock from Hamilton?) reveals his father was also a wacky store owner. When a customer once entered the grocer’s he presided over in Glasgow and asked, “Do you keep dripping?” Jim’s dad replied helpfully, “Only when I’m really soaking wet.” The shopper, thankfully, saw the funny side.

Deja view

ALTHOUGH Giffnock reader Richard Morris has never been anywhere near a major Hollywood studio he has an inspired idea for a blockbuster flick. “A movie director should announce that he’s made a sequel to Groundhog Day, then re-release the original,” he explains.

Lunching on language

TIME for our regular wallop of whimsy. Gareth Wallace tells us he once swallowed a dictionary whole. “It gave me thesaurus throat I ever had,” he winces.

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