Fishy tale
THE Diary likes to be first to a scoop. Though our crack team of investigative reporters are occasionally pipped to the post, as happened this week when an Edinburgh newspaper reported that jellyfish are appearing on Portobello beach. Are the gelatinous aquatic fiends planning an invasion? As yet we can’t be certain. Though the Diary team have managed to kidnap (jellynap?) a member of the beach marauders, who we intend to interrogate and… No. Wait.
Clarification: Our newsroom captive has turned out to be a fruit jelly, purchased by a reporter intent on rustling up a sherry trifle as a snack.
But never fear. Those cunning Portobello wibble-wobble warriors won’t elude our clutches for long…
Shape shifter
SOME people make really obvious points, complains Les Reid from Edinburgh. He often receives rectangular envelopes with "This Is Not A Circular" written on them.
“I want to write back to those pedants using a circular envelope, and put ‘This Is Not A Rectangular’ on it,” says Les.
Pungent pop star
ARAB STRAP singer Aidan Moffat has been explaining on social media how lockdown is leading to an almost Darwinistic evolution in how he presents himself.
“Is anyone else letting themselves go a bit, and not showering for a couple of days and quite enjoying the natural smell of their body?” he says, adding: “I reek today, but it's kind of okay.”
Questionable question
IN a moment of despair, reader Doug Maughan gets in touch to say: “I’ve given up asking rhetorical questions. What’s the point?”
Prince of puzzles
OUR correspondents have been recalling amusing T-shirt slogans. Mary Duncan believes the best blurb to have emblazoned across a top was: "I cracked the Wee Stinker."
Such a message wasn’t an admission that the T-shirt wearer had eaten beans, of course.
It was the proud boast made by fans of The Herald’s legendary crossword, written by the late, great Myops, aka John McKie.
Train of thought
OF late, readers have been criticising rival Scottish neighbourhoods using the medium of rhyme. (We believe in the hip hop community this is called rap battling.)
Anne Neilson from Kilwinning offers up the following catchy couplet, traducing the lack of locomotive transportation in a nearby village:
“Of course, there's a station in Glengarnock,
But, since 1963, where's the route to Kilmarnock?”
Planetary pondering
RESPONDING to a reader’s wry observation that Flat Earthers constitute a global movement, Hugh Steele from Cumbernauld points out that you could also say group members hail from all four corners of the earth.
Weighty words
“I HAD this strange dream I was weightless,” reveals reader Jennifer Cullen. “When I woke up I gasped: ‘0mg!’”
Read more: The Herald Diary: Teenagers, eh?
Why are you making commenting on The Herald only available to subscribers?
It should have been a safe space for informed debate, somewhere for readers to discuss issues around the biggest stories of the day, but all too often the below the line comments on most websites have become bogged down by off-topic discussions and abuse.
heraldscotland.com is tackling this problem by allowing only subscribers to comment.
We are doing this to improve the experience for our loyal readers and we believe it will reduce the ability of trolls and troublemakers, who occasionally find their way onto our site, to abuse our journalists and readers. We also hope it will help the comments section fulfil its promise as a part of Scotland's conversation with itself.
We are lucky at The Herald. We are read by an informed, educated readership who can add their knowledge and insights to our stories.
That is invaluable.
We are making the subscriber-only change to support our valued readers, who tell us they don't want the site cluttered up with irrelevant comments, untruths and abuse.
In the past, the journalist’s job was to collect and distribute information to the audience. Technology means that readers can shape a discussion. We look forward to hearing from you on heraldscotland.com
Comments & Moderation
Readers’ comments: You are personally liable for the content of any comments you upload to this website, so please act responsibly. We do not pre-moderate or monitor readers’ comments appearing on our websites, but we do post-moderate in response to complaints we receive or otherwise when a potential problem comes to our attention. You can make a complaint by using the ‘report this post’ link . We may then apply our discretion under the user terms to amend or delete comments.
Post moderation is undertaken full-time 9am-6pm on weekdays, and on a part-time basis outwith those hours.
Read the rules here