Napoleonic law
ACH, well. It was fun while it lasted. It is argued that the proposed Hate Crime Bill could stifle free speech in Scotland, including the freedom to make certain jokes. The Diary team is brave and bold, of course, and won’t be cowed. Okay, we’re a teensy bit cowed. Half calved, perhaps. Meanwhile, we will continue publishing edgy satire. Though to be on the safe side we won’t focus on anything too topical and contentious.
Speaking of which, isn’t that Julius Caesar a rum 'un? And we have a hunch that Napoleon Bonaparte’s up to no good, too.
Fringe benefits
THE Edinburgh Fringe returns in muted form with an audio book released this week. Reader Jimmy Simpson has a suggestion for those pining for the real thing: “To recreate the fun of the Fringe in your house hire a plummy-voiced Cambridge undergraduate to stand next to your fridge dressed as a medieval jester whilst shoving flyers into the face of anyone passing.”
Jimmy adds: “For added authenticity make sure the flyers promote something unwatchable. A mimed version of Macbeth performed from behind a brick wall is a good shout.”
Christmas cancelled?
STROLLING down Argyle Street, John O’Kane heard a woman say to her wee boy: "Naw, ye cannae. An' anyway, Santa might have coronavirus this year."
Well, he is at that vulnerable age…
Dry-witted dominie
AN East Dunbartonshire pedagogue tells us of a gathering of retired classroom veterans. The gang reflected on recent Westminster warnings that there will have to be a trade-off between opening schools and closing pubs. With horror in his eyes, the resident bibulous bachelor said: "But where would you do your corrections?"
Pointed comment
WACKY inventor Elon Musk tweeted that the pyramids were built by aliens. We could mock him. But in truth we love a cracking conspiracy theory and are devising our own. Gordon Dale brings the latest. “Don’t tell a soul,” he whispers, “but Rod Stewart keeps his hair spiky by injecting himself with hedgehog blood.”
Alas, our reader is poorly informed. We know for a fact it’s hedgehogs who keep their spikes spiffy with gallons of Rod blood…
Pie-eyed
FUSION cuisine was invented in Scotland, as visiting London author Holly Bourne has discovered. With a dazed look in her eyes she says: “I just had my first macaroni cheese pie and I swear, Scotland, I'm not leaving you. Not ever.”
Brought to book
BREAKING news. Reader Dorothy Fowler informs us Donald Trump’s library burned down. Both books were destroyed, and tragically, he hadn’t finished colouring the second one.
Why are you making commenting on The Herald only available to subscribers?
It should have been a safe space for informed debate, somewhere for readers to discuss issues around the biggest stories of the day, but all too often the below the line comments on most websites have become bogged down by off-topic discussions and abuse.
heraldscotland.com is tackling this problem by allowing only subscribers to comment.
We are doing this to improve the experience for our loyal readers and we believe it will reduce the ability of trolls and troublemakers, who occasionally find their way onto our site, to abuse our journalists and readers. We also hope it will help the comments section fulfil its promise as a part of Scotland's conversation with itself.
We are lucky at The Herald. We are read by an informed, educated readership who can add their knowledge and insights to our stories.
That is invaluable.
We are making the subscriber-only change to support our valued readers, who tell us they don't want the site cluttered up with irrelevant comments, untruths and abuse.
In the past, the journalist’s job was to collect and distribute information to the audience. Technology means that readers can shape a discussion. We look forward to hearing from you on heraldscotland.com
Comments & Moderation
Readers’ comments: You are personally liable for the content of any comments you upload to this website, so please act responsibly. We do not pre-moderate or monitor readers’ comments appearing on our websites, but we do post-moderate in response to complaints we receive or otherwise when a potential problem comes to our attention. You can make a complaint by using the ‘report this post’ link . We may then apply our discretion under the user terms to amend or delete comments.
Post moderation is undertaken full-time 9am-6pm on weekdays, and on a part-time basis outwith those hours.
Read the rules hereLast Updated:
Report this comment Cancel