Doggie drama

THIS week the Diary celebrated the plucky underdog, in the guise of footy heroes Darvel FC, who showed a splash of dash by dumping the Dons out the Scottish Cup.

Of course, Darvel aren’t the first underdog to triumph in spectacular fashion.

In a certain best-selling book, a chap called David taps a slightly bigger chap called Goliath on the shoulder, and says: “Listen, ya bam. You an’ me is gonnie hae a wee chinwag…” (Or words to that effect.)

The Diary specialises in underdog stories, and in the following selection from our archives you’ll find one or two of that ilk.

Maybe even a tale about an undercat or an undersquirrel, for we’re always very inclusive…

Vague about veg

FRUIT and veg are still exotica to many Scots. The teenage grandson of an Ayrshire reader came home from his shift in an upmarket local restaurant and, when asked how his day went, replied: “Terrible. I had to try and explain to a diner what cauliflower was.”

Frosty faux pas

LEGENDARY comedian Andy Cameron once recalled the late singer Glen Daly, who was served a whisky with ice. When he complained that he didn’t want ice, the Glasgow barman replied: “It’s only ice – it’ll no dae ye any harm.”

“Tell that tae the captain o’ the Titanic,” replied Glen.

Man’s meaty muddle

INTERNET dating, the shortcomings. A Glasgow woman told her pals that the latest chap she met for a meal was perhaps not too sophisticated. When she told him before ordering that she liked her meat rare, he replied: “What? Like lions or tigers?”

Table manners

A READER was dining in an Italian restaurant in Glasgow when the woman at the next table asked for pepper on her penne pasta. After the waiter had returned with the grinder, used it over the dish and walked away, the woman muttered to her friend: “At what point do you think that Italian waiters stopped trusting Glaswegians with the pepper?”


Flaming fools

A RECENT innovation in Glasgow parks is folk taking disposable barbecues with them on sunny days. It became so popular that park workers put a large plastic bin in Kelvingrove Park for the disposal of said barbecues. Sadly it was burned to the ground.

A new metal bin replaced it, with the sign carrying helpful information, that barbecues should be extinguished before being deposited.

Smoking hot sculpture

THE fires that brought devastation to Glasgow’s School of Art were depressing, though locals drew some black humour from the situation.

One reader, watching the rescue of burned artefacts on TV said: “Seeing someone carry out a still-smoking piece of wood, I couldn’t stop myself from wondering if it was next year’s winning Turner Prize.”

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