Ghosting the politicians
CULTURE-LOVING Diary correspondent Deedee Cuddihy was browsing the comments book at Glasgow Uni’s Hunterian Art Gallery, where an exhibition about Mary Queen of Scots was on display.
She was jotting down her own thoughts about the show, and noticed the previous remark, which read: "The Age of Satan has come to an end but otherwise I quite enjoyed the exhibition."
It was signed "His Royal Highness J". The message was further ascribed to "James Stuart". Which is, of course, the name of Mary Queen of Scots' son, King James VI.
The Diary is thus assuming that this regal personage has returned to Scotia as a ghost, nearly 400 years after his sad demise.
Or in other words: Look out, Humza. There’s a new front-runner for SNP leader…
Green grocer
A DIARY tale about a numerical nincompoop reminds Robin Mather from Musselburgh of a conversation he once had with a businessman who ran a chain of greengrocers.
When Robin asked about profit margins, this chap proudly proclaimed: “I only charge my customers 1%. I buy an apple for one penny and I sell it for tuppence… 1%.”
The galaxy sucks
A PROFOUND astronomical question from reader Gillian Barr: “If space is a vacuum, who empties the bag?”
Mincing about
WE published a yarn about dubious hygiene, which reminds Bert Peattie from Kirkcaldy of a Methil butcher shop, where he witnessed the butcher filling Scotch pie cases by plunging his hand into a tin of mince, then sprinkling the handful into empty cases.
“The guy in front of me asked for half a pound of sausages,” says Bert, “whereupon the butcher licked the raw mince off his fingers, and using the same hand, proceeded to pick up the required amount of sausages.”
Digit difficulty
YESTERDAY we discussed the Latin lingo. Today it’s Roman numerals, which Gordon Clarke says he struggles to comprehend. “Until I get to 159,” he adds. “Then it just CLIX.”
Icarus ascending
THE other day reader Donald Bell was enjoying a meal in his local greasy spoon cafeteria in Wishaw when he overheard two elderly, flat-capped chaps yakking at a nearby table.
The waitress had just taken the gents’ orders, and one of them had asked for mushy peas with his fish and chips.
His pal, clearly surprised by this request, muttered: “Mushy peas?! Yer flyin’ too close to the sun, Davie-lad.”
Birds with brass
“PIGEONS must be wealthy,” says reader John Paterson. “They have no problem putting deposits on expensive cars.”
Read more from the Diary: And now for a crash course in Latin
Why are you making commenting on The Herald only available to subscribers?
It should have been a safe space for informed debate, somewhere for readers to discuss issues around the biggest stories of the day, but all too often the below the line comments on most websites have become bogged down by off-topic discussions and abuse.
heraldscotland.com is tackling this problem by allowing only subscribers to comment.
We are doing this to improve the experience for our loyal readers and we believe it will reduce the ability of trolls and troublemakers, who occasionally find their way onto our site, to abuse our journalists and readers. We also hope it will help the comments section fulfil its promise as a part of Scotland's conversation with itself.
We are lucky at The Herald. We are read by an informed, educated readership who can add their knowledge and insights to our stories.
That is invaluable.
We are making the subscriber-only change to support our valued readers, who tell us they don't want the site cluttered up with irrelevant comments, untruths and abuse.
In the past, the journalist’s job was to collect and distribute information to the audience. Technology means that readers can shape a discussion. We look forward to hearing from you on heraldscotland.com
Comments & Moderation
Readers’ comments: You are personally liable for the content of any comments you upload to this website, so please act responsibly. We do not pre-moderate or monitor readers’ comments appearing on our websites, but we do post-moderate in response to complaints we receive or otherwise when a potential problem comes to our attention. You can make a complaint by using the ‘report this post’ link . We may then apply our discretion under the user terms to amend or delete comments.
Post moderation is undertaken full-time 9am-6pm on weekdays, and on a part-time basis outwith those hours.
Read the rules here