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Poor Matt Hancock. Once again he’s the most unpopular man in the UK, after journalist Isabel Oakeshott released controversial texts he wrote during the pandemic.
Oakeshott obtained the missives while working on a book with the former Health Secretary.
The Diary is shocked that a journalist could not be trusted with highly explosive information that would make a fantastic scoop and further her career. How could Hancock have possibly predicted such a thing?
The Diary, of course, never leaks the top secret info we obtain. We merely share it with thousands and thousands of our closest bosom buddies.
And you, dear reader, happen to be one of those chums. So brace yourselves: it’s time for some terrific tittle-tattle, as we once again delve into our archives to unearth some classic yarns.
But – shhhh – don’t tell anyone about these tales.
We don’t want just any old person sharing the fun…
Kid’s stuff
AN Ayrshire reader told us about the teenage couple who made jaws drop on a Stagecoach bus by getting on board with a baby and asking for “two half singles to Kilmarnock”.
With the wisdom of Solomon the driver told them: “If you’re coming on here with that baby and that pram – one of you has to pay full fare.”
Number’s up
SOME good weather saw a rush for the golf courses as players tried to fit in a few last rounds before it rained again. One wise old player told us a truism about the game: “If your opponent has trouble remembering whether he took a six or a seven, he probably took eight.”
Mind your language
A READER finished a meal in a restaurant in the former Yugoslavia, then went up to the bar and said he’d like to pay.
The young barmaid, who prided herself on her knowledge of English, called a waiter over who graciously led our reader to a door marked WC.
Journeyman player?
TRADITIONALIST football fans, who like their players numbered from 1 to 11, will appreciate this gag from comedian Kevin Bridges. At a football awards ceremony he told Celtic striker Gary Hooper, who wears the number 88 on his jersey: “Gary, you have to make your mind up. Are you a football player or a bus?”
Mystery train
A HOLIDAY yarn. A Renfrewshire reader back from Ireland told us that the train he was on broke down and failed to leave the station. What was worse, the lights in the carriage then failed. At that point over the intercom system came: “This is the driver speaking… or is it?”
Lost in translation
A LITERARY reader once informed us that when the Chinese published The Grapes of Wrath it was translated as The Angry Raisins.
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