Novel holidays

BOOKSHOP badinage, continued. We hear of a second-hand book store in Skirving Street, Shawlands, that has been closed these past few days. Plastered on the window is a sign explaining the absence of the booksellers.

It reads: “Noelle will be in charge of VIP parking at the Muscle Cars at the Strip event in Las Vegas. She will then be performing in Fireman Sam Saves the Circus at the Zero Gravity Beach Club in Abu Dhabi. Barry will be at a speed-dating event at the Holiday Inn Express, Newcastle. The bookshop will therefore be closed from…’

Then dates of closure are provided.

The store in question is called Young’s Interesting Books. Though surely the volumes on the shelves can’t be half as interesting as the folk selling them?

Footy foes forged

WE recently claimed it would be a wonderful idea to merge Celtic and Rangers, which would surely be popular with both sets of fans, as they already adore one another.

On a similar topic, David Graham from Carnwath recalls that when Wallace Mercer proposed merging Auld Reekie rivals, Hibs and Hearts, it was suggested that the amalgamated team should be called The Sacred Heart of Midlothian.

The name game

WE’RE discussing group nouns that perfectly encapsulate their subject matter. Eric MacDonald says: “In bygone days, a group of past Captains at my golf club was called a ‘scunner’.”

Read more from the Diary: Now here's a daft idea for a book

Scone gone

THE Irish versifier WB Yeats wrote: “Things fall apart; the centre cannot hold; mere anarchy is loosed upon the world.”

He was referencing the modern era, where all is chaos and calamity.

Yeats would have had his poetic diatribe confirmed if he’d ever visited his local supermarket.

Says reader Nicola Hutton: “They’re selling tattie scones in Sainsbury’s, but labelling them Potato Breads.”

With a shudder of contempt, she adds: “Is nothing sacred?”

Title contender

WE continue updating the James Bond novels, making them more relatable to those of a modern sensibility. Bob Jamieson believes that due to NHS staff shortages, a certain 007 yarn should have its name reversed, and be released with the title… No Doctor.

Going loco

OUR linguistically-limber readers are recalling their school days by translating well-known French and Latin phrases into English.

Today Jim Timmons enlightens us by revealing that "in loco parentis" means "my dad's an engine driver".

Daffy doc

THE other day reader Robin Irvine visited his GP because he had a sore leg. “He referred me to the vet,” says Robin. “Claimed it was a calf injury.”

Read more from the Diary: Well, how else would you mark World Obesity Day?