Money matters

Scotland is a country rich in scenic beauty, rich in friendly people (unless you catch them at the football, when their team is losing) and rich in natural resources (oodles of oil in the North Sea and many a forest filled with haggis trees, ready to be plucked of their nutritious fruit).

So rich is Scotia, in fact, that the natives couldn’t possibly ask for anything more.

Proving this point, author Deedee Cuddihy overheard a middle-aged chap in the Byres Road Waitrose saying to a member of staff at the checkout: "I won't be buying a EuroMillions lottery ticket this week – I just don't want to win that much money."

(The Diary can’t say for certain, but we’re guessing this chap has a haggis tree growing in his garden – plus a miniature oil rig in his duck pond.)

Prize pupils

WE’RE discussing school children and their curious ways. The teenage son of reader Harry Buchan is currently in his sixth year of high school, and received his very last school photo. It’s a picture featuring every pupil in his year.

Studying the photo, Harry said to his son: “I wonder what all these kids will be doing, 10 years from now.”

Not missing a beat, his son replied confidently: “Millionaires and six-packs, all round.”

Bizarre bee-hive-iour

IN the car park of the Muirend Sainsbury’s the other day, reader Jenny Sinclair spotted a bumble bee crawling along the tarmac.

“I didn’t think I’d see a bee in Scotland at this time of year,” she said to her husband.

“Yes,” agreed hubby. “That bee has either arrived unfashionably early or outrageously late. Like the worst kind of dinner-party guest.”

Booze = confuse

WE mentioned that a Scottish ne’er-do-well who imbibes too much bottled nectar of the Buckfast variety – and thus finds himself more than normally confused – could be said to be "bamboozled".

Eric Arbuckle from Largs adds that such a chap could also be described as under the “affluence of


Daze of days

THE joys of parenting, continued. Beatrice Wright asked her friend, who gave birth three months ago, how she was finding motherhood.

“It’s all about team work,” said the friend. “I cry half of the day. My husband cries the other half of the day. The baby cries all of the day.”

Walkable ways

AMBITIOUS Vicky Roche from Airdrie tells us she plans to write a book explaining how to get up and down the stairs safely.

“It’s a step-by-step guide,” she adds.

Read more: The female PC who was given short shrift