Feeling fruity

WE’RE discussing the strange going-on in the world of public transport. Reader Jack Hanley was on a Neilston train where a bunch of schoolkids were discussing their favourite fruits.

This led one teenage girl to boast about a grape she had recently munched.

“You need to understand how crunchy this grape was,” she trilled, then miraculously provided evidence in the form of her mobile phone, for it transpired that she had filmed herself eating the grape in question.

She proudly showed the movie starring herself and the grape. It lasted at least a minute.

Her chums did not seem overly impressed by this blockbuster, grape-cruncher of an action flick.

“Big deal,” shrugged one girl. “I’ve eaten at least 400 grapes crunchier than that.”

Blackboard jungle

SCHOOLKIDS continued. Reader Roberta Stewart was given sound advice by an older educator who said to always complete anything that needs to be written on the blackboard before the students turn up to class.

“Why?” asked Roberta.

“Because otherwise writing on a blackboard means turning your back on the pupils,” explained the older educator, “and that would be as unwise as a lion tamer turning his back on his work colleagues.”

Read more: Unusual train of thought about strange station finds

Red alert

A TALE of prejudice most foul. Hector Candlish from Falkirk has a mop of red hair that he’s proud of, though he recalls an aunt from his youth who wasn’t impressed by his fiery follicles.

When Hector was aged 10 she patted him on the head and said: “Never mind, son. One day ye’ll be a wee auld man, and all that rid’ll turn grey. Willnae that be a relief?”

“She wasn’t my favourite aunt,” admits Hector.

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All at sea

BOATY badinage. Reader Kenneth Morin was on a cruise where the daily events sheet for the next day included: "A Visit to the On-board Dairy Farm" and "Water Skiing from the Back of the Ship".

Says Kenneth: “The more perceptive passengers noticed that the next day happened to be April 1st, and had a wee chuckle.

“The unbelievable thing was that a good number of guests turned up for the events.”

Receptacle reviled

BOOZING with chums, reader Colin Haddow decided, for a change, to order himself a red wine while the other chaps guzzled the usual beers.

One of the gang looked askance at the dinky wine tumbler, and said: “I can just about accept a stem on a daffodil… but a glass?”

Liquid lingo

“MY favourite word is drool,” says reader Alastair Neville “It just rolls off the tongue.”