Feeling fruity
WE’RE discussing the strange going-on in the world of public transport. Reader Jack Hanley was on a Neilston train where a bunch of schoolkids were discussing their favourite fruits.
This led one teenage girl to boast about a grape she had recently munched.
“You need to understand how crunchy this grape was,” she trilled, then miraculously provided evidence in the form of her mobile phone, for it transpired that she had filmed herself eating the grape in question.
She proudly showed the movie starring herself and the grape. It lasted at least a minute.
Her chums did not seem overly impressed by this blockbuster, grape-cruncher of an action flick.
“Big deal,” shrugged one girl. “I’ve eaten at least 400 grapes crunchier than that.”
Blackboard jungle
SCHOOLKIDS continued. Reader Roberta Stewart was given sound advice by an older educator who said to always complete anything that needs to be written on the blackboard before the students turn up to class.
“Why?” asked Roberta.
“Because otherwise writing on a blackboard means turning your back on the pupils,” explained the older educator, “and that would be as unwise as a lion tamer turning his back on his work colleagues.”
Read more: Unusual train of thought about strange station finds
Red alert
A TALE of prejudice most foul. Hector Candlish from Falkirk has a mop of red hair that he’s proud of, though he recalls an aunt from his youth who wasn’t impressed by his fiery follicles.
When Hector was aged 10 she patted him on the head and said: “Never mind, son. One day ye’ll be a wee auld man, and all that rid’ll turn grey. Willnae that be a relief?”
“She wasn’t my favourite aunt,” admits Hector.
📖 Sign up to the Herald Diary newsletter and get the sublime and the ridiculous sent directly to your inbox every day.
All at sea
BOATY badinage. Reader Kenneth Morin was on a cruise where the daily events sheet for the next day included: "A Visit to the On-board Dairy Farm" and "Water Skiing from the Back of the Ship".
Says Kenneth: “The more perceptive passengers noticed that the next day happened to be April 1st, and had a wee chuckle.
“The unbelievable thing was that a good number of guests turned up for the events.”
Receptacle reviled
BOOZING with chums, reader Colin Haddow decided, for a change, to order himself a red wine while the other chaps guzzled the usual beers.
One of the gang looked askance at the dinky wine tumbler, and said: “I can just about accept a stem on a daffodil… but a glass?”
Liquid lingo
“MY favourite word is drool,” says reader Alastair Neville “It just rolls off the tongue.”
Why are you making commenting on HeraldScotland only available to subscribers?
It should have been a safe space for informed debate, somewhere for readers to discuss issues around the biggest stories of the day, but all too often the below the line comments on most websites have become bogged down by off-topic discussions and abuse.
heraldscotland.com is tackling this problem by allowing only subscribers to comment.
We are doing this to improve the experience for our loyal readers and we believe it will reduce the ability of trolls and troublemakers, who occasionally find their way onto our site, to abuse our journalists and readers. We also hope it will help the comments section fulfil its promise as a part of Scotland's conversation with itself.
We are lucky at The Herald. We are read by an informed, educated readership who can add their knowledge and insights to our stories.
That is invaluable.
We are making the subscriber-only change to support our valued readers, who tell us they don't want the site cluttered up with irrelevant comments, untruths and abuse.
In the past, the journalist’s job was to collect and distribute information to the audience. Technology means that readers can shape a discussion. We look forward to hearing from you on heraldscotland.com
Comments & Moderation
Readers’ comments: You are personally liable for the content of any comments you upload to this website, so please act responsibly. We do not pre-moderate or monitor readers’ comments appearing on our websites, but we do post-moderate in response to complaints we receive or otherwise when a potential problem comes to our attention. You can make a complaint by using the ‘report this post’ link . We may then apply our discretion under the user terms to amend or delete comments.
Post moderation is undertaken full-time 9am-6pm on weekdays, and on a part-time basis outwith those hours.
Read the rules hereLast Updated:
Report this comment Cancel