ALEX Salmond’s Alba Party has social media frothing as if an Alka-Seltzer had been crushed into the laptops of a hundred thousand keyboard warriors. One of the points of contention is whether Mr Salmond is pronouncing the name of his new political organisation correctly (It’s the "Alba" part people are disputing. Experts are in agreement that he managed to utter the word "Party" like a true pro).

Clearly, a linguistic minefield lies ahead for this new iteration of Scottish nationalism. The Diary recommends that for his own safety Mr Salmond should in future steer clear of mentioning Sauchiehall Street or Keppochhill Road.

The name game

MEANWHILE, Sky Sports broadcaster Anthony Joseph has just became a dad. The baby is Alba Grace. “Nice to hear they’ve named a party in Scotland after my daughter,” says Anthony.

Career cock-up

A DIARY story about a taxi driver who delighted in the freedom of his job reminds reader Lizanne MacKenzie of being a member of the Children's Panel. She quickly lost count of the number of teenage boys who, when asked why they refused to go to school, said it was because they didn't like being told what to do. Quizzed about the path they wanted to take in life, their response was invariably: “I'm going to join the army.”

Hot water

A MENTION of recipes in the Diary reminds Russell Smith, from Largs, of his grandfather’s rather sacrilegious recipe for Holy Water. He would say: “Take a quantity of water… and boil the hell out of it.”

Woolly words

OUR recent story about Robbie Shepherd reminds David Clark, from Tarbolton, of another of the popular radio host’s broadcasts. Following some traditional music Robbie announced: “And that last track was from the album Just For Youse.”

At least that’s what our reader thought he said, though after a brief pause, Robbie added: “And there’s a picture of four sheep on the cover.”

Some research by our reader proved this was true, while the album was actually called Just Four Ewes.

Murky moniker

A DIARY tale about a cop’s cognomen reminds David Chadwick, from Carluke, of one of the chief inspectors at London Road police station. This chap had frugal habits and constantly switched off lights, even those that were required. He became known as POD – the Prince of Darkness.

Green guy grabs gold

EAGLE-EYED reader David Donaldson spots that Firstport Scotland has announced the winners of its young innovators competition. One of the champs is William Cutting, founder of… Plants Paradise.