The sin bin

CUNNING Linda Brennan from Paisley waited for the cover of darkness before sneaking out of her house carrying a refuse sack which she intended to toss in a neighbour’s wheelie bin, her own bin being full.

She had reached her destination and was lifting the plastic lid when her neighbour walked out of her front door, carrying rubbish that she was about to dump.

From the neighbour’s outraged face it was clear that she immediately realised what dastardly deed was taking place.

Though the neighbour’s look of indignation quickly evaporated, then she rather surprisingly started laughing.

“I was just about to dump my rubbish in YOUR bin,” she chuckled, adding: “We’re obviously as evil as each other.”


WHEN Ralph Bentley from Croy was a child his father grew his own vegetables. The busy chap also cooked lunch for the family every Sunday, always using his prized veg, which he never washed properly.

Oftentimes a creepy-crawly would be discovered by a knife or fork while the food was being munched.

Though if a complaint was made, Ralph’s dad would say: “Shhh! Keep it quiet, or everyone will be wanting one.”

Training day

BREAKING news. Reader Tim Curran informs us that scientists have announced they have invented a car fuelled by parsley.

“They’re now working on a train that runs on thyme,” he adds.


THE Diary is trying to guess which song enticed sassy Tory politician Michael Gove on to the dancefloor in an Aberdeen nightclub.

Reader Mike Cagle concludes it must have been a classic Bob Dylan number, which Gove assumed was being played to celebrate his talent for delivering memorable speeches in the House of Commons.

That song is, of course… Idiot Wind.

Friends like these…

POPULAR 1990s sitcom Friends is playing on Netflix, and reader Donna Embery is watching it with her teenage daughter, Bella, who thoroughly approves of the show, and not just because it is entertaining.

“It’s a fascinating history lesson,” Bella told mum. “Now I know how people lived in olden times.”

Reflecting on life

WE’RE trying to figure out how our readers can become immortal, so they can delight in the Diary for all eternity. Gerry MacKenzie has an intriguing idea, though he does point out that it involves rather a lot of bad luck along the way.

“Start breaking mirrors,” says Gerry. “For every 20 you smash, you will live 140 years.”


“THE best time to add insult to injury is when you’re signing somebody’s cast,” points out reader Vic Crawford.

Read more: So what got Michael Gove on to the dancefloor?