Bank debit

IT’S not easy being a professional entertainer, for it transpires that everybody is a critic. And we’re not just talking about snarky homo sapiens.

Edinburgh comedian Rachel Jackson was completing an online form with financial services company Santander. One of the boxes she had to fill in asked for her occupation.

Unsurprisingly, Rachel typed "Comedian". This instantly brought up the message "Please enter a valid occupation."

A grudgingly impressed Rachel says: “What a heckle from Santander.”

Just the ticket

WITH his scruffy blue jeans, sweaty T-shirt and voice like a JCB digger’s tyres grinding over a gravel path, Bruce Springsteen is the ultimate proletarian rock star.

Or so it once seemed.

Now Bruce, who plays Murrayfield in May next year, has been criticised for the price of his concert tickets, which are fluctuating vertiginously on official ticket selling website Ticketmaster.

On social media fellow singer John Eddie, who was formerly part of Springsteen’s New Jersey crowd, isn’t impressed.

“Elon Musk was going to buy Twitter,” says John. “Then he decided to buy a pair of Bruce tickets instead.”

Twist in tail

THE ebullient blond bungler of Number 10 Downing Street will soon be but a thing of memory.

A mythological creature only faintly recalled by mothers trying to persuade their young children to remain quietly in bed. “Don’t be running around in the middle of the night,” they will warn their little charges. “Or the ebullient blond bungler will snaffle you up.”

But before that final indignity, Bryce Drummond from Kilmarnock has this to say: “What is the difference between Donald Trump and Boris Johnson? One is an immoral tweeter, and the other is an amoral twister.”

Burnt offering

MUSING on the wicked acts men sometimes perpetrate, reader Fred Donaldson says: “Arson is just crime brûlée.”

Double trouble

ON social media a chap recalls staying with his aunt in Hamilton. Deciding to go fishing at Garrion Bridge, he asked a local which bus to take.

“You’ll want the Biggar bus,” he was helpfully informed.

Not realising there was such a location, the poor chap patiently waited on a double decker.

Crunch time

WE continue describing classic films in the most boring way possible. Gail Robertson suggests: "Concerned step-parent encourages disobedient child to eat more fruit."

The film is, of course, that Disney classic, Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs.

Déjà view

ON the subject of popular movies, reader Marvin Scott says: “Hollywood should announce a sequel to Groundhog Day, then just release the original.”

Read more: A knight to remember in an Edinburgh bar