Troubadour turns thesaurus

MUSIC fan Brian Murphy from Anniesland gets in touch to ask: “Which Scottish singer has the best vocabulary?”

The answer, apparently, is… “Gerry Synonym.”

Trash talk

THE Diary is always outraged when Glasgow isn’t afforded its proper status as a premier metropolis.

So you can understand why we demanded a recount when it was recently only voted the third-dirtiest city on the planet. (Behind Rome and New York.)

Meanwhile, Diary correspondent Deedee Cuddihy interjects to highlight an important differentiation.

“There is Glasgow rubbish and there is Glasgow West End rubbish, which is of quite a superior kind,” says Deedee.

To prove her point she provides us with photographic evidence of the contents of one typical bin located on a swanky West End avenue.

Amongst the debris we spot a copy of The Spectator (magazine for posh right-wingers), the Times Literary Supplement (mag for posh bookworms) and Private Eye (for posh humour fans).

But, we note with some bafflement, there is no Herald in the bin.

Such an omission forces us to conclude that the world’s noblest newspaper is far too valuable a commodity to end up in the trash… even West End trash.

Risky business

WE continue describing classic films in the most boring way possible. Bob Garfield suggests: “Young chap joins family business and supervises period of growth in the firm.”

The movie is, of course, The Godfather.

Hot choice

THE ageing process has some very peculiar side-effects, notes Laura Shaw from Edinburgh. “I now have a favourite hob ring on the cooker,” she says. “Back right. The Mr Darcy of hob rings. Never lets a girl down.”

Dynamo drink

ON the subject of growing older… Katherine Pearson from East Kilbride says: “If they ever discover the elixir of eternal youth, it should be marketed it as the Neverage Beverage.”

Cold comfort

AT present the Tories are leaderless, rudderless and clueless how to progress onwards. Luckily the True Blue Crew have two inspiring candidates left in the race to replace Boris Johnson. Though Glasgow comedian Mark Nelson admits he is not especially impressed.

“So glad Truss and Sunak are focusing on China,” says Mark. “It will be all I will be thinking about when I am setting fire to my own clothes to keep warm this winter.”

Factory fury

A RATHER irritated Gordon Redmond From Falkrik gets in touch to say: “I’ve just been moved to a different department in the prosthetics factory where I work, and it’s really annoying. I’m up in arms.”

Read more: Everyone's a critic: you can bank on it