Nutty knowhow

OUR readers are fanatical when it comes to maintaining good health, with many of them choosing to peruse the Diary at the same time as they’re pounding the treadmill at the local gym.

Wellbeing guru Brian Chrystal provides some useful advice regarding what food is best to eat if you want to feel tip-top terrific.

“Nutritionists claim that eating almonds can help with weight loss,” notes Brian, “though presumably not as much as not eating almonds.”

Brass tactless

NOT quite in the mood for the treadmill (see above), Bob Gardner and his good lady instead enjoyed an amiable stroll around Castle Semple Loch. The couple noted that there seemed to be an increasing number of benches with those little brass "In Memory of…" plaques attached to the back-rests.

“At that point I made a tactical error,” admits Bob, “and asked the missus if she preferred any particular design...”

Hard times

ANOTHER tragic tale of Brassic Britannia, or merely a slip of the tongue? You decide. “After writing several Christmas cards,” says reader Bob Jamieson, “my wife asked if I could pop into the Post Office and get a couple of dozen second-hand stamps…”

Love… actually?

IT’S ages until February 14, though every day is Valentine’s Day in the lovey-dovey Diary, as the following romantic yarn proves.

“I was driving to the shops,” says reader Albert Steele, “and my wife said, ‘Hey, you missed a right.’ So I said, ‘Thanks, love. You Mrs Right.’”

History lesson

THE Diary long ago gave up wondering who will win this year’s World Cup. It isn’t going to be a bunch of ginger-haired blokes in blue T-shirts, with names like Hamish, Jock or Tam… so who really cares?

We do however hear unsubstantiated rumours that the bowler hat brigade from across Hadrian’s Wall are still in the running, and will soon be facing Mbappe and Co. in the quarter final.

Which leads Barrie Crawford to say: “If the English keep mentioning 1966, will the French remind them about what happened in 1066?”

Crackpot Crimbo

CHRISTMAS trees are sprouting up in living rooms across the nation, reminding Leanne Miller of visiting a friend in California at this time of year, who put up a festive tree decorated with miniature Star Trek dolls.

“The fairy on top was a William Shatner figurine in a pink dress,” says Leanne. “Least Christmassy thing I’ve ever seen.”

Height of foolishness

“ISN’T it strange,” says reader Melissa Shaw, “that in the list of phobias, acrophobia is near the top?”

Read more from the Diary: How a bit of toilet humour became a cool joke