Bonding exercise

THE late Sean Connery has been deemed only the fourth most handsome chap to play 007, behind rival Bonds such as Timothy Dalton (who bagged top spot) and Daniel Craig (who came third, even though he looks suspiciously like one of those toy trolls popular in the 1980s).

Levels of attractiveness were calculated using the Golden Ratio of Beauty, Phi, a measurement of physical perfection according to the Ancient Greeks.

Len Roberts from Edinburgh is outraged that his city’s most famous export has been treated so dismissively.

“No way should somebody with the name Timothy come first,” he fumes. “When ever Dalton ambled on screen, I was always sure he’d say: ‘My name’s Bland. James Bland.’”

Wizard entertainment

KIDS. They grow up so fast nowadays. Reader Anne Thompson showed her 13-year-old grandson the movie version of The Wizard of Oz, starring Judy Garland.

It was the first time the little chap had seen the film, so Anne was intrigued to know what he thought of it. Did he find the Cowardly Lion funny; the Wicked Witch of the West scary? Weren’t the Munchkins adorable?

He considered all of this for a moment, then said: “The cinematography was okay, though the story had a weak third act.”

Skirting the issue

COUTURE fan Hannah Burroughs studied for a degree in dressmaking, though it wasn’t an easy course.

“I scraped through with a tutu,” she says.

Fighting talk

MEN, they’re just so rough-n-tough. The husband of reader Karen Harrison had a mild case of the sniffles, which cleared up after 24 hours.

After this terrible ordeal was over, he triumphantly announced: “I feel pretty proud of myself, defeating a cold in a single day. This is what Wellington must have felt like on the field at Waterloo.”

Edible Oz

SPECTACLES. Who needs ’em? Not the wife of reader Stuart Ferguson. Well, actually, she does. Though her glasses are rarely on the bridge of her nose. Instead, she’s always mislaying them, meaning she usually sees the world as a smudged blur.

The other day she was once again sans specs when Stuart showed her a photograph of Sydney Opera House on his mobile phone, for the couple are planning a summer jaunt to Australia.

Stuart’s wife squinted at the picture, then said: “Is that food?”

“No,” said Stuart, patiently. “It’s the Sydney Opera House.”

“Oh,” said the missus. “Well, it looks delicious, anyway.”

Read more from the Diary: How could the FBI hope to come up trumps?

Big tooth toughies

“I SAW a Russian Bee Gees cover band,” says reader Oliver Grant. “The KGBGs.”